If I were in AC!
by buttercup-tomboy
Summary: If you were IN AC, not having to obey the rules of the game, what might happen? I typed my idea! (Chap 7 up!) (Sorry it took awhile )
1. If I were in AC 1

If I were in AC. What would happen if YOU yourself were the character in Animal Crossing and didn't have to follow exactly what the game says? Well, I have decided to make my own little adventure. Hope its good.  
  
Setting: a large, normal house in the living room  
  
Mom: Hello Dear! Happy Birthday!!! (Sets down a cake on living room table)  
  
Kirby: go away, please. I'm watching TV.  
  
Mom: Oh, come on, Kirby. That's all you've been doing this whole day- watching TV. Come, let's celebrate. You're turning 13 today!  
  
Kirby: uh exactly. And here's a better idea. If you're just going to always be bugging me, why don't you just go somewhere else and leave me alone!  
  
Mom: Well, all right.if that's what you want.(turns and walks out of room)  
  
Kirby: Finally!  
  
Mom: (suddenly appears back in room about to say something to Kirby)  
  
Kirby: (before Mom can talk) AUGH! Go AWAY! What don't you people get?! I don't want to talk to you. I don't care if it's my birthday or not. Stop bothering and checking up on me. (Marches out of room)  
  
(It's night and Kirby is in her bed -yes, I know Kirby is a boys' name but oh well-)  
  
Kirby: (crying) oh, why can't I just have a NORMAL family who doesn't bother me so much? (Sob) I wish I could just go away! Go away and find a new home.(stops crying) Wait.(looks out window past the long acres to see a train station with a clock at the top saying "11:03 P.M.").Maybe.maybe it's not too late. (Watches the last train pull in till the next day) Or maybe it is!! I have to get to that train before it leaves! Oh, oh, what to do? I don't have time to pack! Uh.uh.(franticly) I'll just bring my entire savings instead. (Opens safe with bag of Bells inside and puts it in pocket) 1,000 dollars! That should be enough.I hope.  
  
(Kirby opens her window and runs out, not leaving a note or anything, being in search of a new life away from her family, hoping they won't find her)  
  
Kirby: (runs as fast as possible for the train station, hoping to get there in time. The train didn't leave yet when she finally got there after a few minutes of running.) Wait! Wait! Hold on just let me get on first!  
  
Monkey: Ok, ok, just get in. Sheesh. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk!!! Kirby: What's your problem?  
  
Monkey: I spaz out for no good reason sometimes. EEEEEEEEKKKK! (Buzzes as if he were electrocuted)  
  
Kirby: Uh.ok.(gets in train and finds an empty seat facing the back of the train and watches as the train pulls out of the station)* sigh* (closes eyes, leans toward window, and quickly falls asleep)  
  
(A few hours later a cat comes through the back door. Kirby doesn't notice him, but he notices the seat facing Kirby that's open and walks toward it)  
  
Rover: Uh.Hi. Um I was wondering what time it was? Is it 3:00 A.M. in the morning on June 16, 2003 with a 60% chance of rain with snow piling down at 30 mph? -NOTE: That wasn't the day I made this story I just came up with that-  
  
Kirby: (squinting and leaning back up from her sleep) Huh? Well, how should I know? You're the one with the watch.  
  
Rover: (looking down at watch) Hey! I'm smart. I can sit here, right?  
  
Kirby: (annoyed and mumbles to herself) .no.  
  
Rover: Hm? What's that?  
  
Kirby: Uh, yeah, sure. Knock yourself out! (Mumbles to herself again.).literally.  
  
Rover: So, uh.(looking around) Nice night huh?  
  
Kirby: Can I help you?  
  
Rover: Nah.well I was just wondering where you were going at such a time of night.  
  
Kirby: Tell me, is that what you came here for because there's a seat over there that's open too, you know. (Points to open seat across from them)  
  
Rover: Yeah, but I annoy people. It's what I do. I don't know why people think I'm annoying.do you think I'm annoying? But if I'm annoying then who annoys me? Is there any chain of annoying people annoying other annoying people?  
  
Kirby: (mad but trying to be nice) Please, Mr. Whatever.Rover.look. I'm very tired and I'd like to sleep now. Please, if you're going to sit over here, keep quiet.  
  
Rover: But I have to know where you're going!  
  
Kirby: GOSH! Alright! If you must know.I'm going to.going to.uh.(looks up to see where the bus was scheduled to go and sees "Brinstar-35 miles. Estimated time-20 minutes.) Brinstar! I'm going to Brinstar. (That's really my town's name and my person's name is Kirby, but a boy)  
  
Rover: Wow! Really! That's one of my favorite vacation spots. Of course that's what I say to everyone who is going somewhere.but.you never heard me just now.heheh!  
  
Kirby: (mumbling) Yeah right.  
  
Rover: So, what's your name?  
  
Kirby: (thinks) Man, this guy is annoying. Maybe if I go on with this dumb, blue idiot and all his stupid questions, then in 20 minutes I'll be off this thing and AWAY from him! (Speaks now in a nicer tone) Uh, Kirby! My name is Kirby.  
  
Rover: Hrm.well now THAT is an odd name! HAHHAHAHORHORMF!..*Hackuf! Hackuf!*  
  
Kirby: (getting mad) Oh and like Rover is any better! I mean PLEASE! ROVER?? Ha! What kind of a DOG'S name is that?! It's almost disturbing! (Trying to insult him to get him to move)  
  
Rover: (cheerful as ever) Ha! You're right! My name is really disturbing!  
  
Kirby: (mumbles and roles eyes) give me a break.  
  
Rover: Not that my opinion matters much. What matters is do YOU like the name "Kirby"?  
  
Kirby: When you say it, no. (Leans back to sleeping position and gives up on being nice)  
  
Rover: Oh, well otherwise?  
  
Kirby: Sure, why not? Isn't it great? (Sarcastically and leaning the other way, hoping Rover will leave.)  
  
Rover: Well, it's a very cool name for a very pretty boy.  
  
Kirby: (eyes suddenly open wide up and she faces him madly and sits up) Are you saying I'm a boy?  
  
Rover: Sure! Why not? Are you not a boy?  
  
Kirby: (raging mad) NO!  
  
Rover: Ah well. Boy, girl-what's the difference? I mean, I could be a girl for all I know.  
  
Kirby: (now just confused) Uh.yeah.heh.um.no comment.(looking up at estimated time for Brinstar now. It says 7 minutes. Looks back at Rover and thinks).he's freaking me out, but I'd better just finish this stupid conversation. If I survived this long, I can hold my blowing up because of his stupidity a little longer at least.  
  
Rover: So, how much money do you have on ya?  
  
Kirby: And why does that pertain to you?  
  
Rover: It doesn't! That's the whole point! Cause I'm nosy, noisy, and annoying! Yee Haw!  
  
Kirby: (I'll try being nice one more time ((thoughts))) Ok. I have a lot.  
  
Rover: Really? Can I have some?  
  
Kirby: Heck no!  
  
Rover: Oh, ok. How about a.  
  
Kirby: No!  
  
Rover: But I just wanted a.  
  
Kirby: No, for crying out loud, NO! You can't have anything of mine!  
  
Rover: Wow! I didn't know you had a lava lamp with you.  
  
Kirby: I don't.  
  
Rover: Well, I was just going to say I wanted a lava lamp.  
  
Kirby: No! Well.wait, why?  
  
Rover: Cause they're cool glowy thingies.  
  
Kirby: (thinks) This guy's dumber than a bowl of fruit loops. (Talks) Well, uh.sorry but NO, I don't have one and NO you may NOT have my money!  
  
Rover: What's that? You want mustard on your sandwich? You want me to go find you some mustard?  
  
Kirby: What?? What are you talking about? Rover: (spazzing and nervously panicking wide-eyed searching around getting out of seat) Ok mustard!!!!  
  
Kirby: (is confused) No! Wait! Huh?  
  
Rover: (runs as fast as possible to the back of the train and runs over the monkey walking through the train to get through the door in the back and rings phone in the back)  
  
Kirby: (leans over to see what he's doing)  
  
Rover: (faintly heard by Kirby because of the door) Hey Nook! Yeah, it's me, Rover! .No, not the psychotic moron! Anyway, my friend Kirby needs mustard for his sandwich! Lots of mustard! .What do you mean you "Don't sell mustard," you fool? Don't you know who I am? .No, I am NOT the psychotic moron who you think is on drugs! I am Rover. Remember? .What do you mean "Yeah, that's who I just described"? Oh, never mind. But my friend named Kirby needs mustard and he's going to Brinstar, where you are with your shop. Think you could swing by some Mustard for his sandwich? He needs packets. Lots of packets! Ok? .I don't care if you don't sell them! He's loaded with cash, so it shouldn't be a problem. JUST GET SOME!!! Ok? Ok! Bye!  
  
Kirby: Why does he keep calling me a HE? I am NOT a HE!  
  
Rover: (walks back happily and stomps over the monkey just as he was about to get up and sits back in the seat) Well, good news, Kirby, it seems my friend can get you some mustard for sale-dirt cheep!  
  
Kirby: That's not what I heard. And stop calling me a HE. I am a girl. Remember?  
  
Rover: Aw, that's ok. Your lack of nutritional intake it showing.  
  
Kirby: And your over dosage of alcohol and stupidity is showing.  
  
Rover: Aw, no need to thank me. It's all part of a days' work.  
  
Kirby: I'm sure it is. (Sarcastically)  
  
Rover: So, do you have a place to stay yet?  
  
Kirby: Haven't you asked enough questions yet?  
  
Rover: Nope!  
  
Kirby: (sigh) Uh no.  
  
Rover: What do you mean "no"?  
  
Kirby: Uh.no?  
  
Rover: Well, I'm not even that dumb as to move somewhere when I don't even have any luggage. Sheesh!  
  
Kirby: Are you saying I'm dumb?  
  
Rover: In the Animal Crossing way, yes.  
  
Kirby: Well, if I'm dumb, what are you?  
  
Rover: Rover.I think.(looks out window) Hey! It looks like we're about to pull into Brinstar!  
  
Kirby: (excited) REALLY?! (looks out window)  
  
Rover: No, I just felt like saying that.  
  
Kirby: (scowl) Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...  
  
(Monkey that was trampled on twice by Rover finally gets up slowly and has bruises all over him.)  
  
Monkey: Deh.next stop.Brinstar. (sways side to side and falls down to the floor again.)  
  
Kirby: Yes! I can finally get away from y.(pointing at Rover) I mean.get away from this train! It's crammed in here.heheh!  
  
Rover: Say! I just had an idea!  
  
Kirby: Oh no! I'd better take cover.  
  
Rover: Why don't I come to Brinstar too and help you get settled??  
  
Kirby: NO! Please, you'll make me have nightmares for weeks now with that idea. You hanging around me 24 hours a day; 7 days a week?? No, no, NOOO!! Make it stop! (puts hands on head)  
  
Rover: It was just a suggestion. How about you come with me?  
  
Kirby: (looks at Rover wide-eyed) With you? At your house? ForEVER? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The whole train shakes from Kirby's screaming. She runs to the front door of the train.) Kirby: Let me out! Let me out, let me out, let me out! The horror! (The train was pulling up the Brinstar station.)  
  
Rover: (coming slowly after her, walking over the monkey again) Hey! Wait! Don't you need more mustard?  
  
Kirby: (looks back at him coming towards her and bangs fists on door trying to escape any more questions of Rover) Please, let me out! (The train came to a stop The door open and she falls on the stone floor face-first, and right when Rover was about to get out behind her, he got slammed by the door's closing in the head and fell backward in the train as it took off again.)  
  
What will happen in Brinstar, since Kirby doesn't really know what or where  
Brinstar is?  
DA!  
Will Rover come back to haunt her?  
DA! Will she have to face Rover's friend and the bill for all the mustard he  
ordered?  
DA!  
FIND OUT! (More soon) 


	2. If I were in AC 2

If I were in AC Chap2! Last time-Kirby, signifying myself, ran away from home at midnight and left on a train, only to meet the worlds dumbest idiot cat ever, who haunted  
  
her for half an hour. Now that she is freed of him and is in a new,  
  
unfamiliar town called Brinstar what is in store for her?  
  
Monkey: Are you ok? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! (Electrocuted spaz)  
  
Kirby: (gets up from ground) Oh yes! FREE! FREE AT LAST! No more blue freak! Of course there is you, but you aren't nearly as bad! (Walks down stairs of the station)  
  
Voice: Hey Hey! You! Girl! You, yes, you!  
  
Kirby: Hm? Who's there? Rover? NO! NOT ROVER! NOOOO! Please no! (Closes eyes and puts hands together)  
  
Voice: No, no! Not him! Over here! In the- (tree branch breaking sound)-uh oh-TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Thud on floor) Ow. That's the last time I climb a tree just to be mysterious-like.  
  
Kirby: (looks over to find a fat raccoon lying on the ground and walks over) What do you want with me? And why are you wearing an apron? Don't tell me-you think you're a girl too, like Rover?  
  
Nook: No, no. I'm not a psychotic moron like he is. That's for sure. Anyhow, I am Nook. Tom Nook. I own the store here in town. I hope you didn't hear Rover's little phone call from the train, as you must be the one he was talking about.  
  
Kirby: Wait! Uh No! Please, sir! Don't charge me a ton of money for mustard packets. I did overhear, and I never told Rover anything about mustard. I said I didn't have a place to live because he asked me, along with a billion other questions, if I did. Then he rushed off to the back to call someone and tell them about how I needed mustard! Please, it's not me. Although some mustard might be nice right about now, but ANYWAY, so yeah.  
  
Nook: (Asleep and snoring) SNOORRRRRRRRKKKK!!!  
  
Kirby: (mad) WAKE UP, YOU APRON-WEARING FREAK!  
  
Nook: Huh? What? What time is it? Hey, look I'm wearing an apron!  
  
Kirby: (thinks) this guy is just as dumb as Rover. No, wait, that's impossible. But he is pretty stupid. That's for sure. (Talks) Well, uh so now what?  
  
Nook: Well, I could discuss the importance of buying fermented soybeans.  
  
Kirby: (sarcastically) Uh, no. Nook: Well, all right, but I must say you're making a mistake. So, where are you living?  
  
Kirby: Where have you been, you klutz? I said before I don't know!  
  
Nook: Oh, well no need to get mad. It's not my fault I'm stupid.  
  
Kirby: Yeah, well I guess that's true, but still!  
  
Nook: Perhaps I should go on a diet. This is the 5th apron I've bought this year because the old ones were getting too tight! Well, what do you think?  
  
Kirby: (monotone) I think you're stupid.  
  
Nook: Yes, well, that's definitely an option. WAIT! HEY!  
  
Kirby: Look, it's still dark out, and I would like to get at least a little sleep tonight. First of all, I don't even know where I am, where to live, and what to do. Can you lend me something at least for the night?  
  
Nook: Uh no?  
  
Kirby: Why not?  
  
Nook: You said I was a klutz.  
  
Kirby: That's because you ARE a klutz.  
  
Nook: True.  
  
Kirby: Duh.  
  
Nook: Have I ever told you of the time I-  
  
Kirby: (impatiently) SHUT UP ALREADY AND GET ME SOMEWHERE TO STAY FOR THE NIGHT!  
  
Nook: Oh, right. Come with me.  
  
(Nook walks past Kirby and follows a stone path. Kirby decides to do as he says and follow. They walk on the path for about 5 minutes when they finally get to about an acre with 4 houses on each corner and a wood board in the middle.)  
  
Kirby: Are you going to give me a house?  
  
Nook: Uh No!  
  
Kirby: Well, then why did I follow you here in the first place?  
  
Nook: I don't know.  
  
(Long silence)  
  
Kirby: Can't I just stay in one of these houses for the night? I'll talk to you about all the details later.  
  
Nook: Are you saying you moved here but have nowhere to live? Are you mad? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Kirby: stop laughing you insane clown!  
  
Nook: Oh, right. Sorry, that sort of tickled my funny bone. I mean, what idiot would move somewhere without a place to live?  
  
Kirby: AGH! I am NOT an idiot, ok? Stop calling me one. You're the idiot. I mean, what fat raccoon outgrows an apron every few months!? Obviously, not a very smart or sensible one. And furthermore, mad at you, yes. Crazy mad? No. You took that job already.  
  
Nook: Oh yes. I mean, HEY!  
  
Kirby: Hey don't get MAD at me. You're the one wearing the apron.  
  
Nook: True. All right Ms. Smarty-pants, pick a house. They are all MINE you know, and I'm only allowing you to stay in one for 1 night for free. And-¦  
  
Kirby: Oh shut up, Nook. I get the point. You're a cheap, fat weirdo. Ok, I get it. (walks over to the house at the back of the acre to the right, looks around the small house, knocks on the door, and opens it.)  
  
Nook: Oh, yes. That houses' name is "Pretty Pony."  
  
Kirby: You name your houses? (Monotone)  
  
Nook: Well, they ARE my best friends, you know. What's a guy to do when all he does is ever sell stuff and sit in a shop of wood all day and then finally gets out of it?  
  
Kirby: Well, normal people would probably go home and rest. But you, naming a house-  
  
Nook: (interrupting) Eh HEM! FOUR houses!  
  
Kirby: (thinks) Oh please. (Speaks)-uh yeah whatever, naming some houses would probably your idea of a grand old time after work.  
  
Nook: (daydreaming eyes) Yeah. . .  
  
Kirby: Ok, whatever. (Getting scared now by him, starts to go inside house to check it out.)  
  
Nook: Oh, wait! Please, inside, feel free to look around, and keep in mind that it is how you say-cozy? Yes, Co-  
  
(Before Nook can finish a large rock is thrown at him from the side and hits the side of his head)  
  
Nook: -co (eyes rolling around and tongue sticking out as he plops down to the ground) Puffs¦  
  
Kirby: Much better. Now, back to what I was doing. (Goes completely inside house)  
  
(The room is pitch black.)  
  
Kirby: (finds the light string on one corner of the house and pulls it quickly. A light turns on disclosing how small it really is.) Wow! This thing is smaller than half my bedroom! It figures of Nook to have such a stupid house to own. I can really see him being friends with Rover any day. Ha! And he says, Oh, I'm not a psychotic moron, oh no! yah, whatever, Nookie Boy. I think you'll be out for a while. (Looks out side window to see him lying there still) Well, I don't have any bed or anything. Just this box with a diary and this tape player. I wonder if it works, and if I can use this diary or not. (Walks around room) Well, at least wood to lie on isn't as bad as stone or something.(Lies down on birch flooring in center of room after locking door to make sure Nook didn't try to get in.) I wonder what will happen tomorrow. This has been some night!  
  
Will Nook disturb Kirby when his consciousness returns?  
  
DA!  
  
What is in store for Kirby on her first day of her new life?  
  
DA!  
  
Will she have nightmares of Rover and the newly found idiot Nook?  
  
DA! See for yourself after the next chapter is up, which will probably be in 2  
  
or 3 days. 


	3. If I were in AC 3!

If I were in AC 3- As we previously read, Kirby had rambled with whom she considers Rover's  
idiot friend Nook, who owns the store in Brinstar. After long, useless blab, Nook led Kirby to some houses in a large acre. Finally, Kirby got mad at him and made him shut up. After, she went in one of the houses and fell  
asleep. What will happen on her first day?  
  
(Sun shines through one of the windows of the small house and onto Kirby's head.)  
  
Kirby: (slightly opening eyes and squinting them, sitting up) Huh? Oh it must be morning already. Oh, my back hurts. (Stands up) Well, no duh. I was lying on wood for a few hours. At least I wasn't disturbed by. . .OH WAIT! That's right! (Looks out window to find Nook gone from his spot of unconsciousness earlier that night) That's weird. I wonder where he went. Well, who cares? He didn't disturb me and that's all that matters! (Opens door and steps outside, closing door behind her) Ah, a nice, summer day. Hey! (Looks over past the acre she was in to see a house in the distance) I wonder who lives there. Well, I'' going to go see. (Walks over across the stone ground and over the acre and finally reaches someone's house.) Hm, interesting. It's definitely bigger than my house. (Looks around and someone comes out suddenly, hitting Kirby on the head with the door because she was looking at it.)  
  
Ed: Oh, sorry, greenhorn. I didn't see you there.  
  
Kirby: (dizzy) Whoa, uh, AH! (Realizes what he looks like and backs up still on the ground)  
  
Ed: Hey, what's wrong? I don't think I know you. What's your name?  
  
Kirby: Uh, Kirby. What ARE you?  
  
Ed: What do you mean? Well, I'm Ed. Nice to meet you, greenhorn.  
  
Kirby: (gets up) You're wearing make up and a pink dress! What ARE you? And stop calling me a "greenhorn," too.  
  
Ed: Oh, a grouchy-guy, eh? Well, I'll fix that and put a big smile on your face. I'm Ed, like I said before. And just so you know, I like my make up and pink dress, thank you!  
  
Kirby: Well, I don't! Are you a girl or boy? Oh wait, let me guess, you don't know, right?  
  
Ed: Nope!  
  
Kirby: Ok, this is weird. (Thinks) Is everyone in the world besides me messed up? First Rover, then Nook, now this idiot. What next?  
  
Ribbot: Hi, Ed!  
  
Kirby: (looks over to see a robotic frog) AHH! (Runs behind a tree) What is that thing?  
  
Ribbot: Say, who are you? I don't think I've seen you around before.  
  
Kirby: (Gets out of hiding behind tree) I'm Kirby. And there's no way I'm shaking your metal hand, weirdo, so don't try me. Do you think you're a girl or a boy?  
  
Ribbot: Beats me. Does frog count?  
  
Kirby: You're no frog; you're a robot you retard!  
  
Ribbot: Well, if you're gonna be that way about me!  
  
Ed: Ok, you two break it up.  
  
Kirby: (mad now at both of these things) Shut up, "Mom," and get your stupid paws off me. (Shakes off his grip, ready to fight Ribbot.)  
  
Ed: Well, I never!  
  
Kirby: Well, I have, so beat it, or I'll.  
  
Ed: Ha! You're what?  
  
Kirby: I'll do to you what I'm going to do to this robot.  
  
Ribbot: Stop calling me that! And if you want to put up a fight, come get me. (Goes towards the river or stream that surrounded most of Ed's house.)  
  
Kirby: Grrrrrrrr..AH! SHUT UP! (Runs toward Ribbot as fast a possible yelling with her eyes closed)  
  
(Ribbot moves out of the way of Kirby's blow right when she approaches him, making her miss and fall into the river)  
  
Kirby: Whoa.AH! (Falls in)  
  
Ed and Ribbot: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Kirby: (appears out of water, grabbing onto the bridge right beside her so she wouldn't drift off) Agh! How dare you, you dumb freakazoid!  
  
Ribbot: Hey! That's not nice!  
  
Kirby: And neither is this! (Suddenly pulls herself out of the water using bridge and elbow-locks Ribbot, throwing him into the water) Have a nice death, robot.  
  
Ribbot: HAHA! That won't work. I'm waterproof. No wait, maybe it was.  
  
Kirby: -stupid proof? Proof you're stupid? Yeah, I could see that happening.  
  
Ribbot: (Suddenly starts to spark) Uh, oh. (starts to have electric bolts come out of him) Oh no! Ah! (Tries to grab onto the edge of the river or bridge but every part of him starts to buzz by electrocution) AHHHH! Kirby, please, sorry! Let me out!  
  
Kirby: (mad expression but suddenly shakes head, realizing what is going on) What? What's going on here? What am I doing? (Goes to grab Ribbot, but just as his and her hands are about to meet, Ribbot suddenly turns into---- ROVER!) Huh? AHHHH! Rover?  
  
Rover: Hi! Can I have my lava lamp now?  
  
Kirby: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kirby: AH! Huh? (Wakes up in her house in the middle of the floor with sun shining through the window, realizing someone is banging on her door.) Oh, a dream. It was only a dream. (Relived look) I knew after Rover's idea of him following me out here to help me get settled, I would have nightmares of him. Alright, alright! I'm coming! (Goes over to her door and opens it.)  
  
Nook: (falls on face whenever Kirby opens the door.) Oh, um, yes. Well, (gets back up) let's get down to business.  
  
Kirby: What's THAT supposed to mean? O_o  
  
Nook: Oh, nothing. I mean nothing since you're IN MY HOME!  
  
Kirby: What are you talking about? Yeah, I'm in the house you own that you DON'T actually abide in because you said I could stay here for the night.  
  
Nook: Oh, that's right. Yes. Somehow, I feel weak-minded-like I was hit in the head and knocked out unconscious with a big rock yesterday night. Say, you wouldn't have done such a thing, right?  
  
Kirby: Uh, hey look! It's a---flying cheese ravioli! (Points to sky)  
  
Nook: Wow, really? Where? (Runs off waving hands in the air where Kirby pointed) I love ravioli. Wait, I love any food, cause I'm a raccoon!  
  
Kirby: You mean a fat raccoon?  
  
Nook: Yeah! I mean-no!  
  
Kirby: Yeah, I thought so.  
  
Nook: (comes back) Well, anyhow, let's get down to what I was about to say. We'll discuss the ravioli issue some other time.  
  
Kirby: Uh, ok?  
  
Nook: Now, let's see. (Pulls out a clipboard with papers attached to it and acts as though he has glasses by taking his hand and pretending to move the glasses around) According to my papers, you have moved here because you wanted mustard packets, correct?  
  
Kirby: No! I told you that yesterday night! That was Rover's idea, remember?  
  
Nook: What kind of smart animal do you take me for?  
  
Kirby: I guess no one. Good point.  
  
Nook: Yes, I thought so. Now, anyway-(looks back down at clipboard)  
  
Kirby: Well, I can assure you I DIDN'T order ANY mustard of any kind. First of all, I hate mustard. Second, that was dumb Rover's idea, and third, from what I've heard, you don't even sell mustard in your shop, correct?  
  
Nook: Well, not as I remember, but I've blinked since then, I think-  
  
Kirby: Yeah, it figures. (Sarcastically) I should've known.  
  
Nook: Yeah, you should have.  
  
Kirby: Shut up.  
  
Nook: Ok.  
  
(Long silence)  
  
Kirby: Ok, now you can continue. I needed you to shut up so I could get rid of some of the want in me to kill you, and if would've continued, I'm afraid you would be dead right now.  
  
Nook: Uh, I see. Now, back to matters, hm? All right. You have borrowed a house from me since last night.  
  
Kirby: So?  
  
Nook: So, I was really nice to let you do that.  
  
Kirby: So?  
  
Nook: So, I guess I should discuss a policy about this house. Do you like it?  
  
Kirby: Well, it could be a bit better furnished, but I guess it's good.  
  
Nook: Well, do you expect me to furnish the place for you?  
  
Kirby: Mm, yeah, pretty much.  
  
Nook: Oh. Well, I won't!  
  
Kirby: I've got raviolis!  
  
Nook: Really?  
  
Kirby: No, but it was worth a try.  
  
Nook: Yeah, it was. Anyway, you can't expect me to furnish it for you, especially when you don't have a place to furnish in the first place.  
  
Kirby: Well, uh no. But, I would like one. Can't I just have the house?  
  
Nook: NO WAY! Well, I suppose, since you don't have anywhere to live, and uh, since you didn't order any mustard, and since Rover said you are loaded with cash, although he has been known to overexagerate, and-  
  
Kirby: OH SHUT UP AND TELL ME ALREADY!  
  
Nook: Oh, yes right. Well, if you agree, I could let you buy the house if you have enough.  
  
Kirby: Well, I do have my whole life's savings with me. Maybe I will have enough.  
  
Nook: Well, all right. Since this is one of my best houses to sell-  
  
Kirby: This is one of your ONLY houses to sell.  
  
Nook: That IS true, but you may not know that I, Nook, am selling this house, my beloved "Pretty Pony," for hm lets see-mmm-20,000 bells? Yes, that's reasonable.  
  
Kirby: Yes, I suppose that is reas-20,000 BELLS?!!!?? What do you mean "20,000 bells"?  
  
Nook: Yes, of course. Oh, no need to thank me. I'm very generous, I know. So, you'll be paying me now, correct?  
  
Kirby: Well, uh, (thinks to herself) this guy's pretty dumb. Maybe, if I give him my 1,000 bells, he won't notice. (Says) Ok, Nook. Agreed. I give you 20,000 bells for this house to keep.  
  
Nook: Good! All right then, hand it over, hm?  
  
Kirby: (Gets out bag of bells and hands it to him) Here. (Nervous)  
  
Nook: Ah, yes. Good.  
  
Kirby: Heh heh.yeah! Heh Heh  
  
Nook: -and that would be....NOT NEARLY ENOUGH!!!  
  
Kirby: Huh? Well, uh its close enough, right? We're friends, right? Oh, come on you weirdo, just let me have the house. That's my whole life's savings!  
  
Nook: Well, that's grand and all, but this is a house that I OWN AND I PAYED FOR, so I expect to be paid back, hm? And since you want this house, you must pay me what is needed.  
  
Kirby: Oh please, Nook! (Gets down of knees begging) Let me have this house. PLEASE! It's all I've got. (Thinks) This guy's smarter than I thought.  
  
Nook: Well, I suppose you DO need a play to stay-so-I guess so. But I still need the rest of my money..I've got it!  
  
Kirby: That's impossible. YOU actually have an IDEA?  
  
Nook: Yes, I do. You can work for me to repay the rest of your debt. How does that sound? I know, too shocking how nice I am for words, isn't it?  
  
Kirby: Not even close, Nook. I am NOT working for you.  
  
Nook: Well, then, I guess it's no deal.  
  
Kirby: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I'll work for you, but only because I'm desparate.  
  
Nook: GOOD! Oh, wait, since you'll be living here, you must have a rundown of our house. As you can see, there're only a few pieces of furniture in there. Figure it out. Ho should I know how to use any of it. I can't even figure out which way is left! Anyway, I'm SO NICE, I'll even give you that tape deck for free!! (Mumbles) I could never sell that thing in the shop  
  
Kirby: Yeah, I guess that's obviously why you're giving it to me.  
  
Nook: (anime sweat-drop) Uh, yes. Anyway, also, see that mechanical, beige, odd-faced, wiggling thing by your house?  
  
Kirby: Uh, DUH! I'm not blind!  
  
Nook: Uh, I can see that. But that is your Gyroid. Do you understand what a Gyroid is?  
  
Kirby: Um, let me see here um.NO?!!  
  
Nook: Well, I suppose I should explain.  
  
Kirby: *yaawwnnnn*  
  
Nook: That Gyroid is your own personal assistant, Kirby. It will do many things. It can store your items you don't want and want to sell to others, which it will do for you as people come along and check them, as your Gyroid will be your salesman. It will also greet people coming by while you're not here for you, as your own personal messenger.  
  
Kirby: WILL YOU HURRY UP??  
  
Nook: OH! Uh, sure, yes. As I was saying, it will also put a pattern that you've designed on your door. Go tot he tailor for more info on that. Anyway, it can also, um, what does it do? (Checks clipboard) Oh yes! Um, nevermind, it can't do anything else.  
  
(NOTE: I'm not putting in the "save" part because if I were actually IN the game, I wouldn't have to save, obviously.)  
  
Kirby: SNOOOREE! Huh? What? Oh, right, the dumb robot outside my house. Yeah, ok I get it. Goodbye now! (Pushes Nook from her house.)  
  
Nook: Oh, no you don't. You still have to work for me, remember?  
  
Kirby: (roles eyes) Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, FINE! Just go away for now. I wake up in morning on a nice, summery, June day, and already I am confronted by the likes of YOU. I'll be there.eventually.  
  
Nook: Well, hurry up! Just come to my shop on acre A-4. Ok? I'll see you there. (Runs off)  
  
Kirby: Well, I'm glad that's over. I'm not going there now, maybe later, sometimes, maybe. I don't care what he says anyway. What's he going to do to me anyway? And furthermore, I can't go there anyway, unless I want to get lost. I don't even know where "Acre A-4" is. There was a map by the train station. I saw it when I got off the train. Well, I'll check it out later. MUCH later. Right now, I'm going to cruise along and investigate my new hometown.  
  
When will Kirby get around to going to Nook's shop?  
DA!  
Will Kirby forget and have her odd dream re-lived?  
DA!  
If Kirby does go to Nook's, what will the jobs be like?  
DA!  
  
Tune in for another exciting, well ok, not-so-exciting episode of "If I  
were in AC" in a few days to see. 


	4. If I were in AC4

If I were in AC 4! Before, on "If I were in AC3", Kirby had a nightmare of Rover coming back just as she suspected she would, just to wake up to have to listen to Nook blab about the house he had let her borrow for the night. After some talk, Nook sold the house to Kirby, but she didn't have enough money. So, Kirby  
finally gave in to work for Nook until the debt was repaid.  
  
Kirby: Ok, so let's see. (Back at the Train Station's map) There are a few villagers here. And a police place, a tailor's, Nook's stupid shop, and a post office. Ooo! A beach too! Maybe this place won't be so bad after all! Hm hm hm! Now all they need is a mall with a big arcade and huge movie theatre. Oh well. It's better than living back home. So, where to first?  
  
Porter: Why not ...EEEEEEEEEEEKK! Go to EEEKKKK! Your job, EEEEKKK!  
  
Kirby: Shut up, Monkey. I don't need you telling me what to do. Say, how did you know that anyway?  
  
Porter: I EEEEEKKKK! Guessed. It happens all the time with every human that's ever moved into this EEEEEKKKK! Village EEKKKKKK! (Continuous electrocuted spasms.)  
  
Kirby: Well, I'll do that later. Much. Ok, bye now! (Walks off to the post office directs ((left)) ) Ok. A dump on the way to the post office. And if I go one more huge acre than I'll go to the post office and check it out. (Finally gets past train station acre and halfway across the dump ((A-2)) ) Ok, change of plans. (Heavy breathing) I'm going to Nooks. Oh great! Now I have to go all the way back. How am I ever going to get the hang of this???! (Walks all the way 2 acres the other direction and gets to a wooden shack) What IS this? (Reads sign at top) Nooks, Cranny. . . HA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS is a SHOP!? HAHA! This must be a joke. (Stops laughing) No, knowing Nook even just this past night makes me think this definitely belongs to him. (Goes inside)  
  
Nook: Hello! I was wondering if you were ever going to show! HEHEH! Only kidding!  
  
Kirby: Why am I not amused..Anyway, why in the world would I want to come to this wooden dump anyway?  
  
Nook: Because I sold you a bologna sandwich.  
  
Kirby: Excuse me?  
  
Nook: I mean, a house. A Pretty Pony. (Sobs and uses apron to dry tears when he stomach bulges out and his apron goes flying through the door)  
  
Kirby: (wide-eyed) Ok. . .I'm going to pretend that never happened.  
  
Nook: Ok. . .(gets out notepad and writes down as he talks) Note to self: 6th apron bought this year too tight; once again flew off me and out window.  
  
Kirby: It's a door, Einstein.  
  
Nook: Hey, I like that, Einstein. Say, what's it meaning? Can it be sold? How much can I get for one? Where can you find one of these. "Einsteins"?  
  
Kirby: Certainly no where around yourself.  
  
Nook: Well thanks, I know.  
  
Kirby: You can't even recognize an insult when you hear one!  
  
Nook: Well thanks, I know. (Dazed look on face)  
  
Kirby: Ugh! Can we continue?  
  
Nook: Oh, right-your job that you DIDN'T come by for on time. You need to put on this uniform, first of all. (Hands Kirby clothes)  
  
Kirby: Ew! YOU touched it!  
  
Nook: Now who's the Erenbird?  
  
Kirby: (eyes partly closed as in sarcastic) It's "Einstein."  
  
Nook: Whatever. Just change into these clothes.  
  
Kirby: But. . .  
  
Nook: No buts.  
  
Kirby: Are you sure cause yours is pretty b-  
  
Nook: JUST CHANGE INTO THE CLOTHES! Do you need me to dress you or something?!  
  
Kirby: AH EW! Get away! (Rushes outside and changes into uniform) What an ugly shirt. Figures. Whatever, I'll survive it. (Walks back inside)  
  
Nook: Oh, yes. You were truly born to wear that uniform.  
  
Kirby: And if you don't shut up about the uniform, you'll be born to die.  
  
Nook: Oh. Yes. Hmm. Anyway, your first job is to plant these flowers around my shop. And,  
  
Kirby: Eh, whateva! I got it. Sheesh. . .(walks outside) Now where should I plant this bag? (Sarcastically) Oh, wait, I know! (Goes and throws them across the fence on the railroad track.) First job-done and done! (Goes back inside shop) Flowers're done!  
  
Nook: Really? That was fast.  
  
Kirby: Well, I'm, uh, fast. Yeah. Fast. That's me! Heheh-  
  
Nook: I am not sure, but ok. I mean I'm not going to be the one being laughed at when others see what you've done out there.  
  
Kirby: Actually, you probably will be.  
  
Nook: True. That's why, I am rather suspicious, however, that you-  
  
Kirby: OH BE QUIET I DID YOUR STUPID JOB! So, I guess I'm free to leave now, huh?  
  
Nook: Oh not even close! You still have to WORK for me. That was just one job of the deal nd since you got through that quickly, I'll give you 80 bells.  
  
Kirby: 80 BELLS?!  
  
Nook: I know, I know. Too impressively generous for words, huh? Don't worry you can take your time on your un-defying gratitude, I cant wait!  
  
Kirby: (mouth open wide and mad)  
  
Nook: (looks down at wrist as though he's wearing a watch, although he's not) Ok, anytime now!  
  
Kirby: You only pay my 80 bells for all that work? I'm sweating just thinking of the word of throwing some plants over the-I mean digging them into the ground.  
  
Nook: Tsk tsk tsk. That's no way to talk to your boss on your first day of work.  
  
Kirby: Well, you're not a very good one. I hope everyone here isn't as dumb as you are most of the time.  
  
Nook: Hey, that insult reminds me. Kirby, you just moved here from- somewhere, and you haven't met anyone here, have you?  
  
Kirby: Well, even though it's none of your business, no.  
  
Nook: I'm busy working on something now anyway, so why don't I give you a break and you can go meet the others here in Brinstar. And be sure to say hello to the Mayor, too. He'll be by the wishing well, and-  
  
Kirby: Do you have like an "off" button somewhere? Cause if you do, it would be really nice.  
  
Nook: Well, I haven't checked recently, but the last time I did-no.  
  
Kirby: That's too bad. It really is. And anyway, ok ok I'll meet your stupid townsfolk or whatever. Yeah yeah and the mayor too. And besides, what talent of working on something could YOU possibly possess?  
  
Nook: Well, right now, I'm working on learning how to spell my name. (Turns back to Kirby and writes while talks) A. -No no wait! It's N.O.B. NO WAIT! That's not right! N. O. O. D. NO NO NO! Ugh!  
  
Kirby: (to herself) Why do I even bother? (Walks out with Nook still talking to himself) So, where to first? I guess it would be good to meet some of my neighbors, though I don't want to walk around lost all day. Oh well.  
  
(After going back to the train station's map and studying it for a few minutes, Kirby decides the closest house is Peanut's, that is one acre left on Kirby's house.)  
  
Kirby: Ok, so I'll go there. (Walks all the way over to her house thinking the name "Peanut" means it's an elephant) Wow, I'm not as tired as I thought I'd be. So, anyway, I see a house, but no elephant or whatever a peanut is, besides the size of Nook's brain.  
  
(While Kirby is thinking to herself, a pink squirrel comes out of the house and Kirby doesn't even notice it she's so much in thought.)  
  
Peanut: OH! Hi! I don't think I've ever seen you around before.  
  
Kirby: Huh? Who are you?  
  
Peanut: My name's Peanut, a cute name huh? I'm willing to bet your name isn't as cute as mine!  
  
Kirby: Whatever. It's Kirby. And I don't care about "cute" anyway. I'm a tomboy. (NOTE: I, Rebekah, really am a tomboy.)  
  
Peanut: Oh, stop being so tough! Hi, it's cute, but not as cute as mine, like I thought, although it's kinda cute. So, anyway, when did you move here, or are you just visiting?  
  
Kirby: Will you please shut up about the whole cute thing? AndI moved here just last night. And, before you ask, my place is one acre to the right, house to the bottom-right.  
  
Peanut: You mean Pretty Pony?  
  
Kirby: What is with you people and the house-name-calling? (Roles eyes) Yes, "Pretty Pony."  
  
Peanut: Well, be sure you take good care of Pretty Pony. Nook almost loved it.  
  
Kirby: Nook can't even spell his own name yet.  
  
Peanut: Yeah, you have a point. Nevermind. So anyway, I'll see you around, slacker.  
  
Kirby: Hey, I'm not slacker. See this ugly uniform? SEE IT??!!!!  
  
Peanut: No.  
  
Kirby: Excuse me?  
  
Peanut: (cheerfully) You're excused!  
  
Kirby: Whatever-anyway, this uniform, the ugly shirt, was given to me by the "Nook" guy because I now work for him. Well, just until I repay my loan to him for my house.  
  
Peanut: I see, slacker.  
  
Kirby: Stop calling me a slacker! I work ok? I don't see YOU working.  
  
Peanut: I don't see anything at all!  
  
Kirby: Figures. Well, bye now.  
  
Peanut: Bye, slacker!  
  
Kirby: (already turned around to walk away) grrrr.note to self. Peanut:annoying. Very annoying. Calls me slacker for no good reason and apparently has horrible vision. Ok, that went well! Now, let's see, where to next? The next I guess should be "Tybalt." What a horrible name. Anyway, (back at map) let's see. It's pretty far. Well, from there I'll go to the Police Station and say "hi" to them. And then check out the beach, go along the beach until I get to the Tailor's, visit Dotty along the beach, head upwards, see the pond, "Queenie," and the Wishing Well, where supposedly the mayor is. Augh! This is annoying.  
  
(So, she walks across a bridge in Acre B-4 to a section of land and downward to Tybalt's house, acre C-5.)  
  
Kirby: So, this must be Tybalt. A weird yellow tiger. How weird can this place get? (Says while looking at him and his house) I guess I'd better play "good citizen of the day" and introduce myself. (Walks over) Hi. I'm Kirby. I-  
  
Tybalt: (Just staring at ground at nothing like AC characters sometimes do.)  
  
Kirby: (sort of mad thinks) Ok, I'll try again. Maybe he didn't hear me. Or then again, maybe he's just an idiot like everyone else. (Says) Hi, I'm Kirby. I just moved here. And you are? (Friendly holding out hand)  
  
Tybalt: (still stares at ground not noticing anything)  
  
Kirby: HELOOOOOOO???!!!!??  
  
Tybalt: (drooling now still staring at ground)  
  
Kirby: (throws arms up in air and stomps off) Oh, I give up!  
  
Tybalt: (Guess what he's still doing. That's right! Still staring at the ground with eyeballs looking different directions)  
  
Kirby: Ok, second note to self. Next towny-Tybalt. Horrible listener. Probably doesn't even know the alphabet, as a side note. Another idiot, as usual. Ok next I go downward down the hill one acre to the Police Station. K, sounds easy enough, although something will probably go terribly wrong as usual and make it hard.  
  
(So, Kirby walks down past Tybalt's house to a downward hill that's about 1 acre long! She runs down, out of breath at the bottom, and continues on now at Acre E-5, where she sees what she guesses is the police station up ahead in the acre and walks all the way up to it.)  
  
Kirby: (close to station, sees a dog standing outside by a map) Yes! I was about to get lost. Another map! (Runs up to map to look at it.)  
  
Police: Why, hello! Are we a new citizen around here?  
  
Kirby: (looks back to see a huge-headed dog in a police uniform) Huh? Oh, yes, I just moved here last night. I'm guessing you're the police, and this is the police station?  
  
Police: Quite right! Quite right indeed! I'm Copper, and also, inside is my assistant officer. He's a little shaky, however. Still a recruit, see. You catch on fast.  
  
Kirby: Yeah, well, I'm used to it. I just had to adjust to Nook and apparently some cat named "Rover." Don't ask. You don't want to meet him, if you haven't already. But anyway, thanks for the info. So what does this place do anyway?  
  
Copper: This is the police station.  
  
Kirby: Uh, yes. Very good. I see that. I mean what is INSIDE the police station?  
  
Copper: Walls.  
  
Kirby: (getting annoyed but still trying to be nice since this IS the police) Yes, I know. But what is it FOR?  
  
Copper: Well, I, to uphold my rightful duty to protect, can say to others that this is the station where you can find whatever you might have lost in the village. It might be inside here, in the lost and found. Unfortunately, however-  
  
Kirby: (trying to stay awake, but eyes keep slowly shutting as she tries to open them wide again)  
  
Copper: -there is no charge for fallacy claiming lost items. Also, we don't pick up trash left on the ground yet. There just isn't enough time or workers. And furthermore, as a rightful citizen, I hope you do endure this policy well and uphold the peace of Brinstar's community, while focussing on the society's efforts to make this place a brilliant community of shining, safe, peaceable townies and villagers. I, myself, take pride in being the police of Brinstar, since it is my occupation. I do not ever intend to skip my duties unless I have a break. And I also cherish every waking moment of crime fighting. Recently, though, these past years haven't seen too much evil-wrong doings. I am glad these citizens here understand peaceable nature well, as it is important in the community life of all the people and animals alike. Much like yourself, new citizen, Kirby, I do enjoy a good conversation, and nevertheless, I do take pride in my work, as well as training my recruit inside. Whereas he is not as fat along as I am, I willingly give my time up for him. He is a good citizen, too, although sometimes not too bright. Anyway, I do believe also, that all-  
  
(One hour later, literally)  
  
Kirby: (Leaning on station's wall with knees bent standing up sleeping, drooling, and snoring slightly.)  
  
Copper: (still going strong talking an hour later) -which reminds me of an extremely long speech written by the greatest Police of all time. (Gets out huge, huge, long, curling piece of paper with very tiny writing on it and starts reading while doing hard gestures.) Dear friends, fellows, juvenile delinquites, I am a police officer. As a great one, my autobiography is as follows: I was born in a log cabin. Blah blah blah blah blah-  
  
Kirby: (suddenly waking up) Huh? What happened? Oh, its just you. Still.talking.(still half asleep, then suddenly becomes wide-eyed and awake) What am I doing here?  
  
(Copper's still reading speech not noticing Kirby is talking)  
  
Kirby: Ok, I met the police. I hope for the LAST time. (Silently walks off while Copper is dramatically still reading story and gets out notebook) Ok, next. Police named "Copper." Likes to blab about I don't know what. All I head in all his talk was "Yap, yap. Blah, blah. Dribble, dribble, dribble!" Ok next stop. Walk along the beach until I get to the Tailor's, then along the right a few acres until I get to "Dotty's." Oh, this is SOO annoying. I'll be through the entire village by the time I get through all this and back up to Nook's, if I ever even get that far. (So, Kirby walks all the way along the beach until she gets to the Tailor's Shop.) So, this is it. Huh? The Able Sisters? Ok, what a weird name. At least it's bigger than the Police Station. (Walks inside)  
  
Mable: Hi. Welcome to the Able Sister's, where YOU are the famous fashion designer. Hey, are you new?  
  
Kirby: Yes, hi. Uh, I'm just here to see what this place is.  
  
Mable: Oh, ok. Well, please feel free to look around. And if you have any questions, just ask!  
  
Kirby: Yeah, thanks. (Kind of walks around umbrellas and inspects them.) You call THESE fashions?  
  
Amble: Yeah! I call this one "Umbrella Pattern,"  
  
Kirby: Wow, how original. (Sarcastic)  
  
Mable: Well, to be honest, lately no one has been thinking up any good, new designs. Maybe you can change that. You seem like the capable type.  
  
Kirby: Thanks, but no thanks. I don't DO fashion. I'm a tomboy, k?  
  
Mable: I see. Well, if you need anything, I'll be here.  
  
Kirby: Yeah, you told me that. (Thinks) This person is really annoying me now.I am at the top of my anger string right about now, too. Maybe it was a mistake moving to THIS town. (Looks over to a corner of the room) I wonder who that is over there. (Talks to Mable.) Who is that?  
  
Mable: Oh that's my sister, Sable. She is kinda shy.  
  
Kirby: Ok, well whatever. Maybe I can talk to her. I'm pretty capable, like you said. (bragging voice) (walks over to Sable) Hey. My name's Kirby. Who're you?  
  
Sable: (doesn't even look up; just sewing) Um, if you need help, could you please ask the salesclerk over there?  
  
Kirby: I already did. I want to meet you.  
  
Sable:.......  
  
Kirby: Helloooo??  
  
Sable: Um, my claws are full right now.  
  
Mable: What? Hey sis, I'm busy too, ya know!  
  
Sable: (faintly) Patience, just a little patience.  
  
(Mable stares at Sable with a mad look)  
  
Kirby: (looking wide-eyed at both of them with Mable staring at her sister madly and Sable not paying attention-just sewing.) Ok, whatever. Bye you two.  
  
Mable: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr  
  
Sable: (still sewing)  
  
Kirby: Ok, I can tell something maddening is going to happen now, so I'm gonna leave now.yeah.(quickly runs out door) Ok that was weird. I have the weirdest feeling that Mable's going to kill Sable so I'd better hide. (quickly runs behind a nearby tree and right after she does, the whole shop starts shaking and you can hear "grrrrs" and "ahhhhhh!!'s" and pouncing around and mad people or animals inside) Ok, I'm leaving now. I knew it would happen, though, because it's my 6th sense-"danger of the weird, crazy things." I guess I'm used to it from back at home. (Walks off to the left an finally reaches the next acre with the shop still having smoke come out of it and yelping noises inside.)  
  
(Then, finally, Kirby sees a house out in the distance, faintly.)  
  
Kirby: Yes! Finally! I mean I like walking along the beach and all, but this is taking forever just to walk one lousy acre to this "Dotty" person's house. I doubt it'll even be worth it, especially after recalling all the dorks I've met so far. I mean let's think about it.Rover, the monkeys, Nook, Peanut, Tybalt, Copper, and now the weird Able Sisters. Could this place GET any WEIRDER? (Is now at the front of the house from all her talking to herself and sees a rabbit watering the lawn around her house.) Yep, I guess it could.(calls out) Um, you must be Dotty, right?  
  
Dotty: Oh, yes. Hi! Hm? I don't remember you. Who're you?  
  
Kirby: Oh, I was just getting to that. I'm Kirby, and I've been through some of the village since last night. I'm new here, so...  
  
Dotty: Well, uh that's a weird name, sorry to say. Isn't it a boy's name?  
  
Kirby: Well, I am a tomboy, if that counts for anything.  
  
Dotty: Mm, not really.  
  
Kirby: Well it does to me, ok?  
  
Dotty: Fine, fine! No need to get feisty.  
  
Kirby: Feisty? You call THIS feisty? You have GOT to be kidding me. THIS, woman, rabbit, whatever, is NOT feisty.  
  
Dotty: Fine, fine! No need to get feisty.  
  
Kirby: Ok.calm. Think smooth, nice, serene river and birds. (Talks to herself while having palms together and eyes closed and all that and suddenly.) WHICH I'LL SHOOT BECAUSE OF THEIR ANNOYING TWEET SOUNDS!!! (outburst makes Kirby look like she'll explode and then goes back to normal) Ok-  
  
Dotty: (staring at Kirby wide-eyed and confused and almost scared, and then drops her watering can.)  
  
Kirby: -uh, sorry you had to see that.  
  
Dotty: Yeeeaaaahhh, I won't ask.  
  
Kirby: Good, you don't want to.  
  
Dotty: I'm sure. (Goes and picks up can)  
  
Kirby: Well, I was just saying "hi," as I'm new and Nook told me to go say "hi" to the neighbors or whatever.  
  
Dotty: (eyes all dreamy-like) Oh, NOOK!!! He's soooo DREAMY!!! (Suddenly looks back to tell Kirby about him and no one is there.) Hm? I wonder where she went. Oh well, she must've gone to Nook's. Who wouldn't?! I'd better make sure she doesn't STEAL HIM!!! GRR!! Oh, it's war now, Girl. Ooh boy. You haven't SEEN the real me yet! OH YEAH! (Mad and vicious-like)  
  
Kirby: (is all the way in another acre by now from running away as fast as possible) Ok, that was just WRONG right there. Someone actually thinking Nook is hot? Of all the ridiculous-no-the WRONG and CRAZY ideas. Oh gosh. Ah! My head! (has hands on either side of head) MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! Get out of my head you stupid thoughts of someone actually liking Nook, the idiot of this world, well, besides Rover. AH! Worse thoughts! AH! Get out get out get out! (Rolls on floor still with hands on head and eyes closed trying to forget the stupid thoughts.)  
  
(A half our later.)  
  
Kirby: Ok, I feel better now. That took some draining, but now I'm back to normal. Yessiree. I mean really, what's the big deal.someone actually liking Nook..heheh. (Pause) AHHH! Make it stop!!!  
  
(Another half-our later.)  
  
Kirby: Ok, let's try again. (in notepad) Next citizen-Dotty. Has a weird curse of liking someone whose name I will not mention otherwise I'll probably end up in a coma or something. (back up talking) Ok, I'm going up to the wellnow to meet the mayor after I see the pond and meet "Queenie." What a dumb name. This is the dumbest town ever so far. The only thing that could make this place worse is a know-it-all, bratty, prideful, annoying, thinks-she's-better-than-everyone-else, popular girl.  
  
Will Kirby meet the exact same person she just descibed?  
DA!  
If so, will she give up and forget about Brinstar?  
DA! How will Kirby be able to get back to Nook's at a reasonable hour at this  
rate?  
DA!  
  
Tune in next week or 2 to see for yourself! 


	5. If I were in AC 5

If I were in AC 5!  
Last time, Kirby was busy exploring her new town after Nook gave her permission to do so at her new job, although she didn't care what he did. After talking to a few townies, she realized everyone she met so far, after exploring about almost half of the places and people in her town, was basicly as dumb as Nook himself! From neighbors who lectured for hours, to sisters who killed each other, to people who thought Nook was hott, Kirby still hadn't seen the worst.  
  
Kirby: (walking upwards until she finally reaches a large, white building ((in one of the E acres)) Woah! I didn't see this thing on the map. I guess I've just been so tired that I haven't been myself after yesterday night with the Rover/Nook debates. Well, let's check it out I guess. (walks in the building to get into a huge room, a tall ceiling, colored floor panellings, with hallways leading to other rooms and an owl inside, sleeping) Ok...am I missing something here? (walks over to owl) Hello?  
  
Owl: (sleeping not noticing anything)  
  
Kirby: HELOOOO??? I need some help here, Mr. Owl! (waves hand in front of its face)  
  
Owl: (still sleeping)  
  
Kirby: ANYONE HOME??!!! (yelling)  
  
Owl: (talking in sleep) Mm, eh, nesting CDs,,,,,mmm  
  
Kirby: Ok????????????? HELLOOO?? (going all around instantly appearing in different spots around owl knocking his head and talking) Hm...he's one stubborn freakazoid.  
  
Owl: Hm? Oh, what a nice nap. (suddenly awake) HUH? Oh, sorry. I seemed to doze off.  
  
Kirby: (standing on top of owl pounding on head) Well, FINALLY!!!  
  
Owl: Well, if you'd please get off my insanely large head.  
  
Kirby: Oh, right, sorry. (gets off) So what is this place?  
  
Owl: I'm Blathers. And this is the Brinstar Museum. Please enjoy your visit After that being said, I must admit there isn't much to see.  
  
Kirby: Well if there's nothing to see, why in the world do you have this stupid thing clogging the way of the village?  
  
Blathers: Because it is an education to rise the community to like and experience the nature of Brinstar. And, the Faraway Museum promotes it.  
  
Kirby: You're one of those annoying "environmentalists" and "educational freaks" aren't you?  
  
Blathers: Yes, i am. But, I can assure you I'm not annoying,ehh wot. I just am concerned about the educational value and environmental establishment of Brinstar, as is the Faraway Museum.  
  
Kirby: Uh huh. SURE you arent. Anyway, what is the Faraway Museum?  
  
Blathers: You've never heard of it? Boy have you been missing out.  
  
Kirby: What on stupidity and educational television?  
  
Blathers: M pretty much yeah.  
  
Kirby: I thought so. So anyway what is it?  
  
Blathers: The faraway museum is a museum who controls many villages and you can send them fossils. In return, they will send them back to you, identified.  
  
Kirby: So? I hate dinosaurs. They're so, old and boring.  
  
Blathers: WHAT? SHAME SHAME! (shame finger thing to Kirby)  
  
Kirby: Oh you lookin' for a fight, huh??? Well then come on, Man. Right here, yeah right now, c'mon, yu chicken! (fighting stance)  
  
Blathers: I don't do violence. BUT there is a policy about fossils. You MUST NOT put them back in the ground if you dig one up, hm? You can also donate them once you identify them with the Faraway Museum.  
  
Kirby: (browsing the walls not caring)  
  
Blathers: (roles eyes and crosses wings) And, you can sell them instead for cash,,,,  
  
Kirby:(jumps back wide-eyed) NOW we're talkin'! Well, thanks for the info. I know enough now! Bye now! (runs out)  
  
Blathers: money. Gets 'em every time...  
  
Kirby: Well, that, I must say, went better than expected. He may be stupid, but fossils must be worth SOMETHING to dumb Nook. Now lets see where to next. Well, (looking at notebook) I kinda got off-course here since now I'm somewhere I didn't plan on being. I think I went too far left. I'll go back right more. (Walks acorss green, June grass in acre until she gets to the other with another river and a bridge((this bridge is stone)) going through the middle of the acre, separating both sides. It curves right. and Kirbby notices a house in this acre) Ok. This house is weird. It has a HEART on the door! Don't TELL me this is some girly-girl's house. I HATE girly girls.  
  
(NOTE: I, Rebekah, don't like girly people either unless they're nice, as a useless side note.)  
  
Kirby: Please, let this not be some girl's house. PLEEEASE!  
  
(A girly girl ostrich walks out of house)  
  
Kirby: sigh. This is my life. . .  
  
Ostrich: (looks at kirby) Oh plEEase! (girly voice)  
  
Kirby: Hey, I dont like you either.  
  
Ostrich: Well, I guess it was rude of, like, me. But, I am completely popular! HEHE!  
  
Kirby: (crosses arms and turns other way, mumbling) Oh, please is right. Show off brat.  
  
Ostrich: Like, HEY! SorRY! Anyway, my name's Queenie. A GREAT name, huh? Oh, don't tell me. I know!  
  
Kirby: So YOURE Queenie. (to herself) that's a shame.  
  
Queenie: Yeah, I'm sure you heard all about me from my slav-I mean co- townies. Hehe! And ALL of it good, I bet. What's not to like about me?? hehe oh what a stupid question. NOTHING! HEHEHEHE! (continuous)  
  
Kirby: (thinks) Well, I could name a few from these few seconds. (says) Well, uh, I'm Kirby.  
  
Queenie: Augh! Did my royalness ASK for your name? And Kirby? What a SAD name! Like, I didn't mean that. Well, I just didn't really mean for you to hear it, I guess.  
  
Kirby: Well, then I guess I don't mean for you to hear that you're a total snobby brat either.  
  
Queenie: Oh, jealousy. Gets ALL my new slav-I mean townies every time.  
  
Kirby: Look, here, that's another thing. I'm NOT going to become your stupid slave that you think you can boss around. I've been in Middle School, and I know what to expect from popular show-offs like YOU. All the others here are complete idiots, I agree. So, I can see why THEY would follow yu. However, I'm a bit more advanced then that.  
  
Queenie: like, DONT CARE! (Gets mirror out and looks at her hair and turns her head to get different angle look)  
  
Kirby: Well, I dont care either!  
  
Queenie: Well, I would love to talk to you, uh, Slave #9 or wait hold on! (gets out a piece of paper and writes/checks) Yes, slave #9. Good, good. Well, see you around. I, the Almighty QUEEN, must go do something more important than you, which is well, everything! HEhe! Well, see you! (waves and walks off)  
  
Kirby: (arms to sides and hands in fists) GRRRRR. . .this place and people are NOT going as I would have liked. AUGH! (gets notebook and writes hard) Next person, a complete stuck-up snob; a complete freak too. At least she has a bit more I.Q. intelligence than the rest of the townies, I admit. Considers me a slave. Note to self: I will NOT BECOME HER SLAVE!!! (puts notebook in pocket) Ok, anyway! Where was I? Ah, yes. Go to the well, which, according to this, should be up there one acre. This whole "acre- division" map is driving me crazy! Almost as much as these dumb and annoying citizens. (walks and walks and walks up until she finally reaches the next acre and sees a huge, stone plaza and an old turtle.) Uh ok. NOT going to ask. (Goes up to turtle.) Uh, hi?  
  
Turtle: ICE! (eyes wide open and old-voice when he said that. Falls down on shell and squirms around 'cause he can't get up.)  
  
Kirby: You know, I could just leave you there and give myself a lot less pain of your stupidity, but I suppose I'll let you up for my reputation's sake. And because you remind me of my brother-except he does that for no good reason. (Pulls his arm up getting him back on his feet.)  
  
Turtle: Well, thank you, whippersnapper.  
  
Kirby: Whatever  
  
Turtle: Tell me, who do you respect the most? Your mom, dad, grandma, or grandpa?  
  
Kirby: I dont DO family, Man. (roles eyes and crosses arms)  
  
Turtle: Well, then who do you respect the most?  
  
Kirby: And WHY does that matter to the likes of YOU?  
  
Turtle: I am the mayor of the town.  
  
Kirby: Heheh, so?  
  
Turtle: You should be a good little whippersnapper and tell me. I think you're a good kid, I think. (starts singing and doing body-motions)I, oh, I am a teacup short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my stout! When I get all-(continues)  
  
Kirby: (raises eyebrows) What in the WORLD are you doing?  
  
Turtle: OOOOOOOH! When I get all filled up hear me shout! "Tip me over and pour me out."! Da da! Thank you, thank you.  
  
Kirby: Hm. Tell me, Mr. Mayor-  
  
Turtle: (interrupting) Oh! Call me Augalnamaniphicglohiph!  
  
Kirby: -excuse me?  
  
Turtle: oh sorry. I meant Tortimer. I tend to forget me name these days.  
  
Kirby: I'm sure. Anyway, I was going to say before I was so RUDELY interruped, that do you all have some sort of mental facility around here? If not, you all could surely use one.  
  
Tortimer: Nope! But we do have the well here. (points cane to well)  
  
Kirby: So what do you all do? Drown your cohorts when they get to the point of madness?  
  
Tortimer: No. But we do enjoy the process of taking turns pretending we're birds in a birdbath.  
  
Kirby: Your strategies and logic levels remind me of Rover.  
  
Tortimer: Rover? So I'm Rover?  
  
Kirby: NO! You REMIND me of Rover.  
  
Tortimer: So Rover reminded me of my name? By golly, I'll have to thank him!  
  
Kirby: AUGH NO! Just forget it.  
  
Tortimer: I still like Augalnamaniphicglohiph.  
  
Kirby: Hm. Too bad I don't care.  
  
Tortimer: Yep.  
  
(silence)  
  
Tortimer: So you never answered my question.  
  
Kirby: What was that? What a brain is?  
  
Tortimer: No, who you respect the most.  
  
Kirby: Certainly not you.  
  
Tortimer: Yep thanks for the compliment but really, your mom, dad, grandma, or grandpa?  
  
Kirby: Which will make you shut up?  
  
Tortimer: ICE! Oh, sorry. Anyway, i have no idea.  
  
Kirby: Ok, I respect. Respect... I(sad look). . .I dont respect any of them ok? Now just leave me alone!  
  
Tortimer: Well you must respect someone?  
  
Kirby: No! I just DON'T ok? and of anyone in the world, certainly not my family. I dont want to respect those jerks. That's why I left home in the first place!!  
  
Tortimer: Mm, I see. Well, this reminds me of the invention of food in 65,438,934,239 B.C. Ah there are great food then. I just remember the time I was the first one to step on the moon, first to climb Mt. Everest, first to taste food, first to invent the "I am a Teapot" song, first to-  
  
Kirby: You were never even alive then! Well wait, you probably were, which is so stupid and sad it's almost. . . as annoying as. . .NOOK! You! What time is it? (strangles Tortimer)  
  
Tortimer: (stragnled voice) First to invent time. . .  
  
Kirby: AUGH! Nevermind you! (throws him on ground) I have to get back to. . .somewhere! Either Nook's dump or my house; I won't ever find it though. Where am I anyway? YOU! (strangles him again) Where is my house?  
  
Tortimer: First to invent houses. . .oh i mean! Uh if you would just please let go of my *cough* neck *cough*.  
  
Kirby: FINE! (lets him go) Now tell me!  
  
Tortimer: (gets out a rocking chair from no where and sits down and sways and starts knitting) This reminds me of the Ice Age of 156,425,754 B.C. Oh it was a cold one, it was!  
  
Kirby: GRRRRRRR!!! (picks up rocking chair and walks over to well and plunges Tortimer ((still in chair)) head first into well) Maybe next time you'll THINK before you speak there. Later, Dude. (waves as she runs off and finally makes it across well acre with Tortimer still squirming around in chair in well) (While running gets out notebook) Ok, I met the Mayor, who I don't EVER should be mayor, no wait, for this town he probably should... anyway, he seems to be extreeemley old. Don't EVER talk to him unless you must, as another "Note to Self." (puts in away) Let's see. Next I was supposed to see the lake, but who cares about that anyway? I'll go, go, go...I don't know where I even am!! I only drew a "map" on my notebook to this point. That was stupid. don't tell me the retardedness from the villagers is spreading!! Wait, who am I talking to? AH! That's creepy...Anyway, I could go find Queenie, but what good is she? I guess I'll just walk around and hope I find someone...(walks left ((to Acre D-2)) ) Well, no one's here. O well...  
  
(So, she walks around, investigating the trees and other things, and almost gets lost in the acre, calling out to anyone who might be around. After about 10 minutes of this, Kirby goes and finds a rock to sit down.)  
  
Kirby: This is hopeless. I'm never going to find anyone! Now, I don't even know where the well is anymore. Great...(slouches) (Suddenly, sees a figure in distance and squints) Hey! I think someone is out there! Hey!! YOU!! (Runs off waving)  
  
Figure: HUh? Who's there?  
  
Kirby: Me! Kirby! (runs closer and sees the figure is a pink mouse and catches up) Hi. I'm Kirby. I just moved here last night. Who are you and where am I?  
  
Mouse: I'm Candi, and you'll always have a suuurrrprise to go to when you talk to me! HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Kirby: Uh...ok??? (then thinks) Then I guess I wont be talking to YOU much...  
  
Candi: Ok, sorry. Anyway, I am a suuuuuuurprising mouse! And I loooooooove candy!! So watch out, if you catch my drift, and you're in Acre D-1, which means my house is over on Acre E-1, up there on that cliff on the edge. (points)  
  
Kirby: So if I'm supposed to go to acre "A-4," how do I get there from here?  
  
Candi: I LOVE CANDY!!!  
  
Kirby: TELL ME!  
  
Candi: Oh, yeah I forgot. HAHAHAHA! Oh sorry. Anyway, go up the hill youll see up there, then keep going up and up until theres no more up to go and go right. Then get me some candy.  
  
Kirby: Uh HUH...RIIIIGHT. Well, thats all then. Thanks, but I have no "suuuuuuurpises" for you.  
  
Candi: (sad) awwwwwwwwwww  
  
Kirby: Ok fine Heres mine. Close your eyes against that cliff wall *because theres a cliff where they're talking ((Acre D-1)) ) and count to 10,375,924! Then, open your eyes and move two inches left and do it again, except that time count to 24,478. Ok?  
  
Candi: Duh...ok!  
  
Kirby: Good! Well, start!  
  
Candi: (faces wall) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,...  
  
Kirby: (finds tree, shakes it and loads of leaves fall, gathers them, dumps them on Candi)  
  
Candi: (stops counting but doesnt move) WIll I get my surprise then?  
  
Kirby: Yep. It'll be surprising all right. I guarantee it.  
  
Candi: Ok! Now where was I? Oh ya! ...6,7,8,9,...  
  
Kirby: Glad that's over. (walks off and thinks) Well, I do feel bad about doing that to someone, even if they are stupid. Anyway, I guess I should go back...but I can do that later. I mean after all, she will be counting to 10,375,924. For all I know, she could just be there for days, if she's as bad as counting as Nook is, but that's a rare find, fortunetly.  
  
(So, Kirby walks up to a hill like Candi said, walks up there, being tired at the top, and keeps going up to "when she can't go any higher" as Candi had said. But before she got to that "spot" she found herself in a large acre with two houses. Suspecting more villagers, she looks around.)  
  
Kirby: Hm. I dont see anyone here. Odd. Well, it does save me the time of more randomly boring talk. I'll just keep on walking. (keeps going when suddenly a mumified dog jumps out in front of her)  
  
Dog: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAW! And how may I interest you today?  
  
Kirby: AH! Get away you freak! I've got gardenning tools!  
  
Dog: Oh, sorry, I was waiting for someone, but meanwhile, who are you?  
  
Kirby: Kirby. "Pleased" to meet your aquaintence...not really though.  
  
Dog: Well, I'm Lucky.  
  
Kirby: Why do you name yourself that? To me, it looks like you aren't that lucky. I mean come on, BANDAGES? and one eye? Ok??? Lucky huh?  
  
Lucky: Well, I'm lucky to be alive.  
  
Kirby: Uh dude? Youre a mummy. That kinda means you're dead, right?  
  
Lucky: Hey I never thought of it that way, but I don't think of much.  
  
Kirby: My point exactly. Well, I'll be on my way. (waves and starts off.)  
  
Lucky: Not so fast. Go to your room and don't come out until you've thought about you've been doing, young lady.  
  
Kirby: What did you call me?!! Come on, let's battle fool!  
  
Lucky: Ah! Mommy! (Swirves and runs into house, slamming door.)  
  
Kirby: Ok...(keeps walking) I guess the other isn't here now. Oh well, its not like I honestly care. No, wait, I care. I would rather NOT talk to them, especially with the ways things have been going lately today.  
  
(Walks up to A-1 where there's a post office and a big board.)  
  
Kirby: Hm. so THIS is the post office. I remember...(looks left and sees a dump yard in the distance) Yeeeeah I was going to try to get here before, but I didn't have enough energy. After all this walking, I am pretty tired, and I don't know how many hours I've been wandering. That's the last time I listen to Nook to run around and talk to people. Hold on...i LISTENED to him? Not a good sign there. Anyway, let's check this place out. (Walks in and closes door) Hm...interesting. (walks up to white pelican)  
  
Pelican: Hello there! I'm Pelly, can I help you?  
  
Kirby: Mm no not really. Well, do you know where Nook's shop is? See, I'm new here, and...yeah. I know I'm close, but I just want to confirm some information about it.  
  
Pelly: Well, I can assuredly tell you that Nook's shop is on Acre A-4, which is completely left of here. Is that all?  
  
Kirby: Yeah. (about to turn around but then) Oh! What is this place for?  
  
Pelly: Well, to make things short, its the Post Office.  
  
Kirby: (thinks) DUR!! (says) What do you do here then...?  
  
Pelly: You can send mail, with or without attatched presents, save mail you get in your own Mail Box, and deposit or withdraw money if you don't have a loan to repay.  
  
Kirby: Well...ok. I guess. Bye. (Walks back toward door)  
  
Pelly: (Just as Kirby opens door) Oh and Kirby!  
  
Kirby: (turns)  
  
Pelly: (closes eyes like ^_^) Welcome to Brinstar!  
  
Kirby: Oh, thanks. (thinks) I guess one of these townies actually knows something or two. It's a first! (closes door and walks left more and more and more, taking a few quick stops here and there thinking about her whole random animal-finding and place-discovering tour of her new home town. Also, it was only a matter of time before her family started going crazy searching every square inch of every town and city. Great...why can't they just leave her alone for awhile??? That's why she left in the first place- because of them and their annoying ways. Well, enough about them. Her tour had been odd. Everyone was pretty weird. Every place looked practically the same. There was no telling how long these "jobs" would be or how she wouldn't get lost all the time around here. But she pressed onward and about 25 min later got to Nook's shop. From the sun's stance, she could tell it was a little after noon and walked inside Nook's.)  
  
Nook: (still facing other way still trying to spell his name right from hrs ago) NO! was it C. O. A...NO!!! A. O N. No! Sun! No! Pan? No tree! AH!! (flings notebook and pencil away from him and turns around) I am SO confused!  
  
Kirby: (raises eyebrows but says nothing)  
  
Nook: Oh! Welcome! Hey! Do I know you?  
  
Kirby: (about to answer sarcastically again but then thinks) Nope! Sorry! Guess not! Bye! (turns)  
  
Nook: Oh now I remember you...I think...I...uh...and...*snoooooooooooooooore* (falls asleep standing up head-bent)  
  
Kirby: (thinks) well, I could just walk out, as he will wake up with a concusion from that boulder last night and not remember anything, but that almost seems...well I dont know but I guess I might as well wake him up. (grabs shovel from his shopping counter and wacks his huge head)  
  
Nook: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Dancing poles!!! (stops) Can I help you?  
  
Kirby: ITS ME YOU OAF!!  
  
Nook: oh right! I...who?  
  
Will Nook get him memory back and make Kirby do more jobs?  
DA!  
If so, how many more jobs are there?  
DA!  
Will Kirby have to revisit the fools in town?  
DA!  
  
Tune in later for the answers to these questions and more!! 


	6. If I were in AC6

If I were in AC 6! In our last adventure, Kirby, which is standing as me, was searching and exploring the dephs of the town of Brinstar. She met many ODD creatures, usually stupid, except one named Pelly, the post office worker. Finally,  
she was able to get directions back to Nook's shop where he didn't even  
remember who she was. What will happen now?  
  
Kirby: Who do you think it is, Retard?!  
  
Nook: Oh, hi Mommy!  
  
Kirby: I'D NEVER OWN AN IDIOT LIKE YOU AS A KID! I'D NEVER OWN ANY CHILD, ESPECIALLY ONE OF A -1000 IQ!!!!  
  
Nook: Oooooh. OOOOOOOH You MUST be Kirby. No other townie would insult me like that, except maybe my mom.  
  
Kirby: Your Mom doesn't live here.  
  
Nook: Um...(looks other way and whistles innocently) sure.  
  
Kirby: Nevermind. Let's just get back to whatever we were doing. What do you want from me now? That last job only took like 3 hours, and a getting lost expidition. Why did you send me to meet those losers anyway? They were practically as dumb and/or annoying as you!  
  
Nook: Uh...I dunno.  
  
Kirby: Augh! Well, can I just leave now then?  
  
Nook: Oh no you don't! I still need my money! And if there's one thing I remember, which it probably is only one thing, is that I need my money!  
  
Kirby: Well then WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!!!  
  
Nook: Oh, right! I want you to deliver this carpet to Candi. (Hands Kirby carpet)  
  
Kirby: Why should I?  
  
Nook: Because I said so.  
  
Kirby: Like I care, and I, uh...can't...anyway.  
  
Nook: And why is that? (all boss-in-charge tone)  
  
Kirby: Because...uh...she's um, "occupied" at the moment.  
  
Nook: I don't really care what your excuse is. Just deliver it.  
  
Kirby: Augh!!! FINE!! (grabs carpet and stomps out)  
  
Nook: Hey I'm actually in charge! Oh, go Nooky! Go Nooky! Go Nooky! It's yo birthday! (victory dances and takes the axe off his selling tables and throws it to the ground and breaks it, then stares at it silently) Uh...I can fix that!  
  
~~~~~MEANWHILE~~~~~  
  
Kirby: I hate Nook. I hate this town. I hate the neighbors. I hate my family. I hate everything! Nook is a loser! (etc mumblings while she marches off to where she saw Candi last, if she could find it. Kirby decided if she got lost again, she just wouldn't go back to Nook's. It's not like he was smart enough to remember she was supposed to come back or anything.) AND I'M TIRED OF WEARING THIS DUMB RAG!! I'm taking a detour to my house to change out of this! (Gets to map from walking left and takes the stone walkway down that leads to her house acre, walks in, and then changes into the clothes she came in quickly)  
  
((NOTE: OBVIOUSLY, you, if you were actually in the game, couldn't just magically spin around and have your clothes changed))  
  
Kirby: Ok, that's better. Now back to this whole carpet business....well, a peek wouldn't hurt...(unravles carpet and spreads it on floor NOTE: NOT BY MAGIC LIKE ON THE GAME EITHER!!) Hm, not bad, but not good either. Too..."mosaic" for me. (rolls it back up and walks out house, up again to map, way over to the post office again ((A-1)) and goes down to the hill to go down some more to find Candi after about an hour of jogging to get there) Ok, Candi...I-  
  
Candi: ...862, 863, 864... (still counting under leaves)  
  
Kirby: (thinks) I guess it was m ean of me to do that, but she's not even bright enough to know it was a trick. It's her own fault, in a way, for being so stupid! (says) Ok! Carpet express! Get your carpet that Nook actually touchhe...AH! (drops carpet and steps back) AH! I touched something Nook did! AH!!  
  
Dotty: (appearing out of nowhere still carrying her watercan) Ohh NOOK!!! What a hottie! (runs up to carpet, picks it up, and runs off with watering can still attached to her hand) It's a new collectible to my "Nookie Love Shrine!" Oh and you can have this old carpet of mine that I just HAPPEN to be carrying around. I have NOOK now. (continues)  
  
Kirby: (picks up carpet and stares wide eyed) Leaving now...fast...(runs off at a run-for-your-life sprint for about an acre, then slows down and talks) Hey I'm getting to know my way around here. Not bad, not bad. Ok so, its back to Nook's, unfortunetly, I guess after I put this home. It was a nice thing to do....I guess....(Joggs back to her house, puts it down, and runs back to his "shop" and gets there almost a half hour later.) Ok, Nook, I did your stu-  
  
Nook: (turns around and instantly screams like a girl) AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Kirby: What's your problem NOW?  
  
Nook: (same thing) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Kirby: WILL YOU PIPE DOWN AND TELL ME WHY YOU ARE SCREAMING LIKE A GIRL, besides the fact that you kinda are.......  
  
Nook: (gasping between words) Why are you...wearing that...NOT NOOK UNIFORM!!?  
  
Kirby: Maybe I got tired of looking like a retard; maybe I wanted to actually wear something normal.  
  
Nook: Maybe I told you to wear the other one.  
  
Kirby: Maybe I don't and never will care.  
  
Nook: Well, when I was a young Nookling, we-  
  
Kirby: Oh please. When you were a young Nookling, your parents probably committed suicide.  
  
Nook: Actually, there's a funny story about that, heheh....hehehhh...hm. Anyway, I suppose I'll permit you to go about your hip hipness, but-  
  
Kirby: No buts.  
  
Nook: Are you sure 'cause mine is pretty b-  
  
Kirby: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO NOW?!!!!?  
  
Nook: Oh, right. Well, I want you to mail a letter to Tybalt. He's one of my best customers, you know, and I want him to know about the next sale here.  
  
Kirby: Then why don't YOU mail him.  
  
Nook: I can't spell my own name, remember?  
  
Kirby: Like he wants to hear from you anyway, even if he is a freak who just stares at the ground all day. I tried to meet him.  
  
Nook: Oh fine. Then don't bother. Just...well...uh...ok um...just go ask the neighbors for help of something. (hand motion shooing Kirby out the door) I need my privacy.  
  
Kirby: Ha! Pleasssse Nook. And what, may I ask, for?  
  
Nook: ...  
  
Kirby: Nevermind. I don't want to go out there again and talk to everyone!!  
  
Nook: I DONT CARE NOW MOVE!!!  
  
Kirby: Shut up...  
  
Nook: Duh...ok!  
  
Kirby: (steps outside and mumbles) loser...  
  
Nook: Hey! I'm a loser! Go Nooky! Go Nooky! Go Nooky! (same victory dance except grabs shovel off shelves this time and breaks it and stares) Um...I can also fix that!  
  
Kirby: Ok so WHY do I have to do this again?! Oh riight because NOOK said so...please. If we all followed what Nook said we'd all be freaks wearing dresses all day singing ballerina lullubies...in that case I think this town does listen to him...not a good sign. Anyway I guess it would be "nice" to go see if the other neighbors have help, but then again they need a LOT of help...augh alright fine!! But this time if I get lost.....GRRR! (kirby stomps off again and decides Peanut is closest again and gets there) ok, (checks notebook for what she wrote on Peanut) "peanut," even though you have no sight from what I have heard, do you need anything?  
  
Peanut: Hello?  
  
Kirby: Yeah, hi. It's me. Kiiiiiiiirby. Remember?  
  
Peanut: Oh! Yes!...No!  
  
Kirby: Nevermind. I was wondering if you "needed a favor." so?  
  
Peanut: Well...my friend Boris lent me this camera a while ago and I need it to be returned to him.  
  
Kirby: Boris? Who the heck is "Boris"? Not that I actually want to know...  
  
Peanut: He's my friend. He lives just next door that acre, slacker. (points left)  
  
Kirby: GR I AM NOT A SLACKER YOU SLACKER!!!  
  
Peanut: Ok, sorry, slacker.  
  
Kirby: AUGH! Just give me the stupid camera. (grabs camera out of Peanut's hands and walks off)  
  
Peanut: Please try your best!  
  
Kirby:........shut up..........i will anyway. (walks off to left until she gets to the house Peanut was talking about but it is the same one that had no one there before ((right before Lucky jumped out)) and reads the sign by the house) Hm...it says he's not here now...WHY ISNT HE HERE NOW?!!?!? GR!! I'm getting tired of this day. Everything has gone wrong since the dream to Nook's jobs to this! AUGH! (throws camera on ground; it cracks...heeheh whoopsie! (picks it up fast as she sees Peanut's from a distance glaring at her wide eyed) Uh...heheheh! (stares back and then sees Peanut step toward her and then dash foward madly toward her with fire coming in her trail) AHH!!!! (runs off instantly with Peanut following)  
  
(They both run around the acre and then Kirby hides behind a tree, and Peanut madly glares around, not finding anyone.)  
  
peanut: (bangs fists on chest and makes gurilla noises) OOOOOOOAAAAAHH!!! AH! AH! AH! AH! (runs off)  
  
Kirby: Ok, glad thats over. I'll just put this camera here. (She says as shes walking back near Boris' house and almost puts the camera down by his doormat.)  
  
Boris: HEY!!!! DO I KNOW YOU!!!?!?  
  
Kirby: (turns and sees a navy blue, mad pig) HEY!!!! I GUESS YOU DO NOW!!! I'M KIRBY!!!!!  
  
Boris: SOOOO you were trying to get into my house, huh???  
  
Kirby: No you loser freak! I was just trying to be nice and give you this, BUUUT since you don;t WANT IT...............(starts to walk away slowly)  
  
Boris: HEY!!!! That's my camera!!! Give it!!!!!!!! (Runs off after her, but is so fat he falls face-first on floor after the first step) Oof!  
  
Kirby: Mmmm.......NAAAA!!! I don't really FEEL like it...(taunts him sarcastically and the walks off)  
  
Boris: HEYYY! Give me the camera!!! I'm warning you!!!! When I get up!!! I'll!!!...uh...*snooooooooooooooorrreeee* (suddenly arms/legs quit squirming and plop to ground)  
  
Kirby: Riiiiight. Well, I don't want your stupid camera anyway. (Throws his camera at Boris' head and he doesn't even notice) Uh huh...well that was...odd. Ok, I might as well go see if some other annoying fool needs something...(looks around and sees Lucky's house nearby.) Ok I guess I'll go there...(Walks towards the house and gets there, and turns back looking at Boris) If I die in here, you stay away from my funeral. (Knocks on door and goes inside, seeing an "Egyptified" house with Zelda swords and a slot machine in it, along with moving robots) Uh some house...  
  
Lucky: (Turns around) AH! It's you! The meanie!!! (Runs around the two swords in the middle of the room with arms in the air) AH! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
Kirby: Grrrr....SHUT UP LOSER!!!  
  
Lucky: (Plops down sitting and staring at Kirby)  
  
Kirby: Look, weird mumified..Lucky dude, uh, do you need any help?  
  
Lucky: Yes.  
  
Kirby: (Roles eyes) Yes well I guess I knew that already, but I mean do you have anything you need that normal people can help you with?  
  
Lucky: Oh, heheheheheeh, No.  
  
Kirby: Ok bye (starts to walk near door)  
  
Lucky: Oh wait! I do have this lightbulb here. (Takes the lightbulb from above head like AC characters have one sometimes for an idea) Take it to...uh..............Queenie. Yes! Queenie!  
  
Kirby: (Wondering how lightbulb appeared and talks in shock) Uh...ok...(Takes lightbulb and goes out door)  
  
Lucky: Now what was I doin'? Oh yeah! (He gets up and starts running again) Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
----------------------- Kirby: (Walks out) Ok...to Queenie's! But I don't even know where she is! Well, I'll have to get over that and go anyway...(Sooo Kirby walks, goes down a hill the acre below, gets by Candi, who is at 2,689 in counting, walks left past her left to the Museum, making sure Blathers DOESNT see her, keeps going left to the acre Queenie lives where the river separates the acre) Ok.....that only took like an hour! And I bet she's not even here (she says as she Goes up to Queenie's house to find a sign that says she's not in right now.) AUGH!!!!! Where IS she?! (Suddenly looks father north to the wishing well and faintly sees Queenie walking around.) Oh, so THERE she is. That sign must mean they're out of their acre or something...how lame...  
  
(Decides to walk up to the wishing well plaza again, hoping not to meet the mayor once again and sees Queenie and walks up to her.)  
  
Kirby: Ok, Queenie. Here's your stupid...(checks it)...lightbulb...? (She extends her hand for Queenie to take it.) Well?!!?  
  
Queenie: (Turns around) Oh...it's just you. (Gets out a mirror again and looks at her hair from different angles and sighs putting it away again) I thought it was someone who actually MATTERS in his life. Hmph! (Sassily flips out her hair although she doesn't have any.)  
  
Kirby: Grrrrr, ok, whatever THAT was about!...Anyway, just take the stupid lightbulb!  
  
Queenie: And WHY would I need something like that for my superiorness?  
  
Kirby: Because you could use some ideas since you don't have a brain to come up with any.  
  
Queenie: AUH! I'm not going to listen to this! (popular tone as she turns other way and puts the "talk to the hand" signal up to Kirby)  
  
Kirby: Fine! Then I guess you won't get this...(walks off)  
  
Queenie: (Runs after her and snatches the lightbulb) GIVE IT!!! GRRRRRRR!!!! (Ferocious face and then back the normal self) Ok, well, like, I, um, like, should, like, give you something for giving me this...or me taking it...well NEVERMIND!!! HERE! (Tosses out some paper and it lands on the ground) It's not like I'd be caught dead with it. I dont mail any unpopular dorks like you anyway, so...you can have it!  
  
Knirby: (PIcks it up) Gee, thanks...(thinks) Well, maybe eventually it'll come of SOME use...maybe...(says) Well, bye.  
  
Queenie: What EVER! (Is too prepy to not notice a tree by the end of the acre and bumps into it and is knocked unconscious after Kirby leaves.) Like, paramedic!!! (Goes unconscious)  
  
Kirby: Alright...that's it! I GIVE UP! I'm tired of this now!...but, I guess this IS profitable for me in a sort of "work-hard-for-complete-town- idiots-by-degrading-to-their-level" kind of way. Ok, fine. ONE more house. (So, Kirby goes upward the next northern acre above the Well's one to see the wall of a cliff dividing this acre in 2 parts, her being on the bottom side with a house in front of her with a hippo standing outside.) Ok?? Not asking...(Walks up and talks in a monotone quickly.) Hi I'm Kirby need some help ok good thanks what do you want?  
  
Hippo: Um...excuse me?  
  
Kirby: (Sighs) Hi I'm Kirby need some help ok good thanks what do you want?  
  
Hippo: I'm Bertha! Nice to meet you!  
  
Kirby: Grrr. Hi I'm Kirby need some help ok good thanks what do you WANT?!  
  
Bertha: OOH. Sorry my head's so huge and my ears are so small I couldn't hear you well. (Almost tips over to the left from the weight of her head) WOOAH!!! Uh sorry there. (Cathces herself from falling.) Well, I was wondering if you could go see if Tybalt is through with my organizer yet. He hasn't returned it.  
  
Kirby: Wait wait wait wait! YOU expect me to go run all the way somewhere to Tybalt's house, find my way back here and get you your stupid organizer?!  
  
Bertha: ^_^ Uh huh!  
  
Kirby: Well, you thought wro-(Thinks of the rewardingness)-ok fine! (stomps off)  
  
(SOO, Kirby goes to where she finally stumbles upon the police map...making sure to steer clear of Copper as she reads where Tybalt's house is. After finding it, she quickly snuck off with Copper STILL reading his speech from before very dramatically.)  
  
Kirby: (Now an acre away) Well, SOME one's persistent...and fortunetly it isn't me. (Continues up the same hill as before and recognizes where she is...sorta) Ok, so now I can see Tybalt again, who seems to be out of his little trance. (Because he's walking around like a normal self, Kirby walks up to him with a sarcastic look and hands in pockets.) ....Well? Are you going to just stare at the ground again or are you going to answer me?  
  
Tybalt: (He looks at Kirby blankly) Uhhh...  
  
Kirby: So, you speak. Not sure you know the alphabet, as I left myself a side-note of before about you, but uh, it's been kinda-sorta. not-really- nice meeting you, even though tecnically since you haven't said anything but the "word" "uh."  
  
Tybalt: Uhhhhh...  
  
Kirby: HURRY AND GIVE ME YOUR NAME, THE STUPID ORGANIZER, AND YOUR ATTENTION!!!  
  
Tybalt: Oh...I am...T...T...T...wait...who am I? Well either way, who are you? (Goes near Kirby with eyebrows up and suspiciously talking in a low voice with his hand cupped around the side of his face ((As to keep in from someone hearing)) )....dont try too hard to figure it out. I tried once. Not a pretty sight, not pretty at all.  
  
Kirby: (Backing up) OKkkkkk...too much chlorine intake for youuuu. And unlike you, I actually have something in my head that uses mental power in this life.  
  
Tybalt: A chipmunk?  
  
Kirby: NO!! A mind!  
  
Tybalt: (Stands there confused)  
  
Kirby: A brain, soul, THOUGHT? (thinks) Well, I can't exactly blame it on you; you're too stupid to understand. (Says) Anyway, I'm picking up an organizer from Bertha she let you use. Ring a bell?  
  
Tybalt: (excitely) Oo! oo! I want to ring a bell! Pick me! Pick me! (Raises arm high and jumps up and down repeatedly) Oo! I love bells!  
  
Kirby: Just give me the stupid organizer already.  
  
Tybalt: Oh, well about that...Bertha has it.  
  
Kirby: How can she have the organizer I was JUST MENTIONING if she was the one who asked me to come get it.  
  
Tybalt: Uhh....I dunno.  
  
Kirby: and HOW and WHY do you expect me to believe you about this and it's not just some stupid prank, hm? ........oh great that sounded like Nook...- _-;;;  
  
Tybalt: ....Because I'm a believer! DADADADDA! (Starts boogieing down to the song and his voice changes to the actual singer's) Oh now I'm a believer! (Music plays from no where)  
  
Kirby: O_O......o...kay.....I'm leavin...(walks off hurriedly as Tybalt is still discoing down over there singing madly) (So she goes back downt he hill and across the river bridge, then arrives along the cliff wall at Bertha's house, the well being south of her.) ..........ok.......bertha....  
  
Bertha: Oh wait! I know!  
  
Kirby: ..........  
  
Bertha: (smoke comes out of her head after a few seconds) Ok i give up!  
  
Kirby:.......ANYway, Tybalt says you already have the stupid organizer in the first place, yet you sent me to go get it anyway! Explain yourself, thing!  
  
Bertha: I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't have my own or- (checking pockets)-Oh! Wait! I do have my organizer already with me. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Heheheh...hm...(Anime sweat drop while she's facing Kirby, who is staring at her with a half-sarcastic half-mad expression) Well, anyway, to reward you for being nice enough to go see if Tybalt even had my organizer in the first place, you can have this piece of furniture. I picked it out myself! (Walks over to Kirby and hands her a leaf)  
  
Kirby: (Staring at it with a sarcastic look) ....furniture huh? (Dangles it in the air) Yep. That sure is the greatest piece of furniture I've ever seen in my lifetime, oh yes...  
  
Bertha: Oh well you must be new here.  
  
Kirby Well, that IS what I told you 3 TIMES BEFORE!!!  
  
Bertha: Oh. Must have slipped my huge head with small...heheh...nevermind I told you already. Anyway, you have to put it down in your house otherwise it won't turn into the actual furniture it is.  
  
Kirby: How do I know what is it until then?  
  
Bertha: It says on the back of the leaf. (Pointing)  
  
Kirby: (Flips it over and reads) ....Made in china?....  
  
Bertha: Oh...whoopsie! I guess it doesn't say. I always just thought that was what my furniture was. Boy, was I using mine wrong!  
  
Kirby: I dont even want to begin to ask, but uh...thanks...(thinks) ...I GUESS....(says) Well I'm going to be going now. Buh bye! (thinks) for hopefully one of the LAST times in our generation...(Then Kirby walks away towards the right, goes up one of the hills in the village, and finally gets to Nook some time later)  
  
Nook: (Opera music playing in the backround from the piece of furniture he was selling, a CD player, and he's lipsinging it with gestures)  
  
Kirby: O_O...uhh...  
  
Nook: (Suddenly and nervously regaining posture) Oh uh what? huh? It wasn't me! The opera MADE me do it! (Stands there slouching and staring into nothing)  
  
Kirby:......if you don't mind, well actually, I don't care if you mind or not, shut the stupid music off!!! I can't believe THATS what you wanted your privacy for! .....well wait....yes...i can. Nevermind.  
  
Nook: Well, I would help you with turning it off, but it took me half this time just to figure out how to turn it on. (Scratches head with his tongue out staring at the CD player)  
  
Kirby: (Goes over at shuts off the opera) There. Happy?  
  
Nook: nnnnnnnnnope!  
  
Kirby: ddddddont care?  
  
Nook: Anyways, did you get anything nice from the neighbors? These critters are fairly generous, so if you do errands for them, they can be quite rewarding!  
  
Kirby: I don't need your "tips of wisdom" of the day. I already knew that. And besides, what business of it is yours?  
  
Nook: uh......................................................  
  
Kirby: My point exactly. I don't even have a map to see where I'm going!  
  
Nook: Oh kids these days and their stupid complaints! Here take a stupid map! *Hands her a map)  
  
Kirby: Uh WHY didn't you just give this to me when we began?  
  
Nook: I'm Nook give me a break.  
  
Kirby: True. Anyway, what's next?  
  
Nook: Ah yes. Take this axe to Queenie. (Hands her an axe) Now it's wrapped, so don't even try anything as I see that michievious smile on your face!  
  
Kirby: (Sarcastic look) .........I'm not smiling you moron.  
  
Nook: oh, yes, well, hm, anyways, deliver it as quick as possible, and don't stop to chat or sniff the roses along the way, hm?  
  
Kirby: Ok Nook. First of all, stop telling me what to do since I already know. Second, I wouldn't want to chat with the village idiots if I had to, and third, this flat place doesn't have any roses. So, you're completely off, as usual.  
  
Nook: Hm, I suppose. There's no way to keep tabs on you, but-  
  
Kirby: (Interruping) Actually you could put tabs on me, but that wouldn't help anything. It would just make me look like a freak, which i suggest you refrain from doing.  
  
Nook: Yes well uh. Just please deliver it.  
  
Kirby: Yeah yeah. (thinks) When will these stupid jobs be over?  
  
When WILL these stupid jobs be over?  
DA!  
Will Kirby try to use the axe on the way to Queenie?  
DA!  
If so, what will happen if Nook finds out?  
DA! See later, and be a part of the questifical excitement! (Questifical...lol) 


	7. If I were in AC 7!

If I were in AC7!!!! Last time, on "If I were in AC 6," Kirby, being me, went out to the dephs  
of the town helping a few retarded neighbors out with their "tasks" and  
found she could get some useless junk once in a while if she wanted by  
doing so.  
  
Kirby: (Walks outside the shop holding the axe) Why do i have to deliver this dumb metal anyway? WHY is it always for Queenie? WHY? hm? Because noooook oh whoooohooo...what a grand reason. Heh. Queenie may be the "queen" of this "town" if you grade it up that high...but what good will that honestly do her? Heh...not much. The whole town is made of the village idiots.  
  
(Kirby walks along and FINALLY, after passing the same pink mouse still covered in leaves leaning against the cliff wall counting now at 4,724, and sees Queenie on the floor from hitting the tree and runs up)  
  
Kirby: Uh yeah. Would you mind tell me why your "royal highness" is on the "oh so dirty ground"?  
  
Queenie: like.....duh! I like, tripped! Thats all! Like!......Duh! (Gets up dusting her shirt off)  
  
Kirby: Oh yes, let me guess. You were too busy insulting me for no good reason and laughing your insane head off that you didnt see the tree right in front of you by the well here, and you hit yourself.  
  
Queenie: .........um.......  
  
Kirby: Yeah thought so. Anyways......  
  
Queenie: Look, since I have a repuation to keep and can't be seen around the likes of THOU, I shall be going.  
  
Kirby: A reputation for running into trees?  
  
Queenie: The tree bumped into me! (points and talks to the tree in a "girlish mad voice") BAD! BAD tree! You'll never work in this town again!  
  
Tree:..............  
  
Queenie: DONT BACK SAS ME, MR!  
  
Tree:.........  
  
Queenie: I'm warning you! Don't make me have to attack you!  
  
Kirby: Hm, and I wrote in my notebook that you had a higher I.Q. than the others...  
  
Queenie: ha! the others? The other slaves in this town of mine just shower me with things and yes, they are quite stupid, but they love MUA! heheheheheheeeeeeeeee! Anyway, you must have some reason, besides that you're already jealous and adore me, to come and see me, right? so, what is it, Slave #9?  
  
Kirby: Grrr I'm not your slave, I will never BE your slave, and I'm here because dumb nook told me to go deliver this dumb axe to you! (Holds out axe)  
  
Queenie: Ooooohhhh. well, I have no use for childish things like that. So, run along and...(Sees light reflect off of the silver and her eyes get big) .....m-must...chop....WOOOHOOHOOOOD! (Grabs the axe and rips the paper off sweating and crazily staring at the axe head)  
  
Kirby: O_O Ok..........................and I thought you the the "sophisticated one."  
  
Queenie: WOOOOOHOHOHOOOOOOD!!!! (Swings the axe over kirby's head and it's stuck in the tree.)  
  
Kirby: Ok, I dont want to stick around for this, so I'm leaving now. Heheh. (Runs off)  
  
Queenie: wooooooho! whoooooooooood! woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood! (She runs around crazily flapping her arms and hits the same tree again) ......like.....no more wood.....(unconscious fall on ground)  
  
Kirby: (walks to the right instead this time and finds another bridge connecting the river to another side of the village and walks over it. A house is nearby) Hm...interesting...(Walks over ot it, knocks, and goes inside seeing a pretty good-furniturized house and a Golden Retriever around)  
  
Dog: Hi! How are you? Do...I know you? Oh, yes, you must be Kirby. I've heard about you from a reliant source.  
  
Kirby: Yeah? Like who? I bet I could tell you from these past few hours here alittle about THEM too.  
  
Dog: Oh, it's not like that. I'm goldie.  
  
Kirby: (thinks) Hm. How original...(says) well uh you know who I am. I just came in to see what this place is.  
  
Goldie: Well, don't get too comfortable in my place.  
  
Kirby: Why would I do something retarded like that?  
  
Goldie: Uh I dont know...  
  
Kirby: My point exactly.  
  
Goldie: ????????????????????? Duh.....................??????????? Well, I dont need anything. It's nice of you to ask.  
  
Kirby: It's nice of me to ask.....??  
  
Goldie: Sorry. I dont know. Bye  
  
Kirby: Do you know NOTHING?  
  
Goldie: What's a nothing?  
  
kirby: AUGH! (Walks outside and gets out notebook) Met a new citizen. "Goldie" is her name, supposedly, but she seems to unassure of everything that she probably mixed her name up with some fish she caught by accident or something. (Puts notebook away, looks at the map for a few seconds, and continues walking. Finally after a long walk upwards, passing Tybalt, who is still boogieing down to his little song with disco lights out of no where and etc., she goes across another bridge then back to Nook's shop in A-4)  
  
kirby: Hm I have to hand it to you, Nook, this map is actually useful.  
  
Nook: (turns around from looking at the umbrella he's selling with a magnifying glass) huh?  
  
Kirby: I can use it. I can use something YOU gave me. Need I go on?  
  
Nook: Yes I'm not following. (Standing there confused and head smoking in thought)  
  
Kirby: Hm nevermind.  
  
Nook: (pointing upwards about to speak)  
  
Kirby: (counting on her fingers) And yes, Nook, before you bother, I did know what to do by doing it quickly, I did dillydally along the way to talk with retarded villagers, and I did stop to sniff the roses along the way...or at least observe...uh...a tree.  
  
Nook: See? I knew I should've put tabs on you!  
  
Kirby: We've been through this Nook. What would tabs accomplish by putting them on me? Nothing.  
  
Nook: But thats what my brain is! It is nothing! (desparate voice almost pleading)  
  
Kirby: And WHAT would you like me to do about this, huh? Make you a brain? Educate you?  
  
Nook: (making a light buzzing noise looking around above him as if to follow a fly buzzing around his head) bzzzzzzzz......(softly)  
  
Kirby: Are you listenning to me?!  
  
Nook: (Puts an arm up holding a shovel, now fixed from before, still doing the same thing and hits himself with it and falls over)........ah..........  
  
Kirby: Well, that's a no.  
  
Nook: (Gets back up looking at the shovel) Um...I can fix that...again...(dusts his new apron off) Anyways...Kirby, dear worker, now that you have your little map you just HAD to have, and have done that task, there's not much more for you to do.  
  
Kirby: YES!...I mean uh...boo, oh boo.  
  
Nook: Well, since you seem to depressed over it, I could just have you work here full time instead. Wouldnt that be a treat?  
  
Kirby: O_O you've GOT to be kidding...a treat? No no no. i think you confused "treat" with "torture." Anyway, next so this can be over?  
  
Nook: Hm, well as your last job, go back to that board by your house and post a notice about my shop. Now I'm not telling you what to say exactly, just make it so that the customer will feel welcome and you might introduce yourself as "kirby who works for Nook" or something. And...(looks up noticing Kirby is now gone. A few papers from the long shelf for sale blow in the wind, signaling no one's there.) And uh...yeah...um..what was I doing?  
  
Kirby: (now aways away after hearing what to do) Ok Nook. One message on the message board by my house, or as you idiots call it, Pretty Pony, that describes how I work for Nook huh? Works for me! (Gets to the board after a few minutes of jogging and sees a clean sheet of paper and writes) Ok....lets see  
  
"Hello. I'm Tom Nook. I am the Idiot Supreme of you all. Dont shop at Nooks Cranny. im making you feel uncomfortable about my shop. for any complaints about this message, please see me and blame me."  
  
Kirby: (After reading it over again) that works. i feel as though I practically know the weirdo himself. Ha. No wait... I do. Unfortunetly...I wonder if he's related to Rover by chance...(continuous thoughts as she walks back to Nooks)  
  
Nook: (blows a party noise thing) BRDRRRRRRRR!!! (balloons and confetti fall and Nook dances around frolically.) weeeehehheheeeee! CONGRATULATIONS Ol' Chap! Youuuuu have successfully completed all my mental tasks! (Blows the party thing again and acts happily like a seal clapping hands together) derrrherher! herrrr! herrrrrrrr!  
  
Kirby: O_O.......uh......heh.....i uh....dont know what to say...  
  
Nook: (Stops) Yes well I am so...overjoyed. They, they just grow up so fast. I...(gets behind the "shelf" and fans himself) I...there are just so many people I want to thank for this. I just don't know what to say, I...oh I'll just let Kirby tell you all about it. Kirby? Come on up. Tell the academy! (Walks away bowing)  
  
Kirby: Hm yes well let's just say I cannot describe in words how Nook made me feel...  
  
Nook: Oh brilliant brilliant! (Claps hysterically) Encore! Encore!  
  
Kirby: (mad voice) NO! no encores! ...please no encores. spare me.......Can I go home now?  
  
Nook: I suppose. You've done everything there is to do for me. And thank you for that wonderful speech.  
  
Kirby: Well what I mean is I have the words to describe how you made me feel, I'm just not going to say it.  
  
Nook: Yes, thank you, thank you. Anyway, now that you're free from my grasp, unfortunetly, because I just KNOW you can't survive without me, correct?  
  
Kirby: Um.......sure.  
  
Nook: Yes I know! Anyway, since you are gone now, I will be giving you your Farewell Free-from-Nook Speech I give everyone. Eh HEM...Now that you're on your own, you'll have to provide for yourself. There are lots of ways to make money around here: sell things that you find and don't want to me, do more stuff for the neighbors, etc. AND as for your rent, you'll still have to pay it back alittle at a time to me at the post office.  
  
Kirby: Um yeah whatever. And if I don't?  
  
Nook: Then I'll have to send the racoon goons after you! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA only kidding! Just try to keep it to about 1000 bells a week, hm?  
  
Kirby: Well, I believe the goons part.  
  
Nook: Oh, hm yesssss....  
  
Kirby: riiiiiiiiight well its been um "great" being here...I guess........not really......bye. (She starts to turn to walk out and leaves)  
  
Nook: Uh...(calling after her) Now are you sure you don't want to hear about fermented soybeans? Pleaaaaaaase?! (Seeing she's not coming back) Yeah ok! I'll just be here when you get back...in this shack...(looks around wide eyed) with nooo one around...Yeah uh...heh....(Stands there and does nothing.)  
  
Kirby: (Meanwhile now on the stone pathway walking back to her house) Hm, well I'm FINALLY free from Nook, it seems like around 4 in the afternoon, and I don't know what to do. Let's see 1. I have no money. 2. I have nothing to sell to get money. 3. I have nothing to do. Hm this was harder than it sounded. (Now sitting on the mat by her door and sighs) Well, I could go chat with the Village Idiots some more, but who wants to do that boring stuff? I could just sit here. Wow....well maybe I'll go do some more chatting. There's nothing else better to do  
  
Kirby walks all the way back up then passes the dump in Acre A-2 while on her way to any house she sees nearby. At the dump, she sees some of those leaves from before and goes to it and picks it up)  
  
Kirby: Hm another "made in china" thing I see. GOSH WHY IS EVERYTHING MADE IN RETARDED CHINA?!!?!?!?!? Well it also says it is a "cabana chair." (Looks up) Cabana chair? What the heck!? A chair huh? Well, I guess I could use one of those...and a bed...and i couch...oh who am I kidding my house would barely hold a single couch! (Puts it in her pocket) Now where was I? Ah yes. A talk with the idiots. Well, can't go see Peanut...heh...Boris is lying on the floor...maybe. And Lucky? Why do I freak all the neighbors out recently anyway? Sigh...well he's too dumb to remember so I might as well check...(Goes down and gets to Lucky, who is now outside walking around)  
  
Lucky: (Catches site of Kirby) AH! it's YOU! The MEEEEEANIEEEE!!!  
  
Kirby: How long are you going to keep that up?  
  
Lucky: Till I'm dead!  
  
Kirby: You already are dead.  
  
Lucky: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! So, what can I do for ya?  
  
Kirby: Well, you could act alittle more sane.  
  
Lucky: (girl recording voice) We're sorry, the request you asked for cannot be completed as dialed. Will you please hang up and try your call again.  
  
Kirby: Uh no! So what's up? (sarcastically as she crosses her arms)  
  
Lucky: Did you know you can bury fruit in the ground and trees come out? It's really handy and anyone can do it.  
  
Kirby: I ask you "what's up" and you give me this stupid, random thing about planting fruit trees?  
  
Lucky: M yeah pretty much.  
  
Kirby: ...I see...well go on. Let me note your stupidity level in this conversation.  
  
Lucky: Uhhhhh ok! Well, planting fruit trees is really tasty! And I love food! AND it is very environmental!  
  
Kirby: (interrupting) You're related to Blathers, aren't you?  
  
Lucky: Uh no....well maybe. For all I know, I might as well be a-  
  
Kirby: Yes, girl, I know. I've heard that before from a um...not really a friend but uh someone speeeeecial like you.  
  
Lucky: A cupcake? Mmmmmmmm cuppppcakes....  
  
Kirby: NO! Rover! Ever heard of him?  
  
Lucky: Well, for all I know I might as well be a-  
  
Kirby: oh shut up and tell me about something.  
  
Lucky: Ok! Well, that's all I have to say on fruit trees. And as you know, oranges is the only fruit you can get in this darn village, rrrr owch.  
  
Kirby: R owch?  
  
Lucky: Yeah I just thought up it now. Grrrrrreat to say huh, rrrrrrrrr ouch?  
  
Kirby: You'll be "rrr ouching" if you don't quit that.  
  
Lucky: I knew I should've told you about the fruit tree planting! They've taken over your mind! GASP! (frantincally and panicing, shiverring and with bubbles around his head like AC characters) Am I the only not human left? Oh no what shall I do?! GASP GASP GASP!  
  
Kirby: Uh huhhhhhhhhhh well it's been not-so-fun and even less educational talking to you.  
  
Lucky: Ok! come back soon! (waving then starts running around again panicing) GASP GASP GASP!  
  
Kirby: right...won't do. (Walking away) So next on the menu should be...(looks south and sees the cliff Candy was talking about earlier) Well, i haven't been there yet...might as well. (She walks southward and this part of the cliff extends to the E acres and she sees Candi's hosue) Hm what a great house. Not really but im sure its better than mine. (Looks and sees a pond and then walks back up to where she was before) Well, that was meaningless. Then again most things here are.  
  
Boris: (Suddenly runs up to kirby) Well, I managed to get up. Now you're in trouble for trying to break into my house.  
  
Kirby: Look, FOOL, I did not try to break into your house for the last time!  
  
Boris: Yeah SURE. That's what they ALL say.  
  
Kirby: Who's "they"?  
  
Boris: Well uh....I DONT KNOW but they're there!  
  
Kirby: (tauntingly) Are they the little imaginary friends of yours in Boris's Little World?  
  
Boris: YES! I mean....NO! BUT, they are there. They are eeeeverrrrrywhere. (Mysteriously) woooooooooooooo!  
  
Kirby: .....yeeeah.  
  
Boris: Anyway the point is I am calling the cops on you!  
  
Kirby: I think the point is that if you try to do that then THE cop won't answer because he's busy reading a terribly long and boring police speech to himself.  
  
Boris: Hey I ENJOY those speaches, thank you!  
  
Kirby: Did I ask you?  
  
Boris: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
Kirby: Once again you all prove my point.  
  
Boris: I also figured out how to run without my fatness getting in the way. I AM a pig you know, I can't exactly help my girlish figure. Though I know I'm irrisistably cute as I am. Isn't that right Kirby?  
  
Kirby: Ok now you're getting ALL kinds of creepy.  
  
Boris: You're just jealous because you don't have a physique like mine!  
  
Kirby: Why would I want a phyisique like yours?  
  
Boris: Hm no clue.  
  
Kirby: Didn't think so. Well, do I get anything for giving you your camera back from before? WHICH i did do even if you dont remember from being knocked out by it?  
  
Boris: NO! Well, since you did go to the trouble, and I do mean TROUBLE, I will give you these clothes. (Takes out clothes and hands them to her) Just take them ok!  
  
Kirby: Ok this shirt has PINK in it. You actually except me to wear pink?  
  
Boris: It's one of my personal favorites, THANKS! Its CALLED a "heart shirt." See? It has a heart (all giggly and long eyelashes like pointing at it) Teehee! I mean uh (low voice cough regaining composure) Hm yes *cough* hm! I mean it's uh quite MANLY and uh...stylish...yeah! Eh hem!  
  
Kirby: Whatever you say.....not.Well uh, thanks, i guess, not really, ok bye. (Starts to walk away)  
  
Boris: (Same giggly voice) Teehee! Okey dokie! (regains composture again) CHEM! I mean uh yes farewell you nuisance! And get off my lawn!  
  
Kirby: (Walking away) Oh trust me. i wouldnt stay on anything that belongs to you for a loooong time.  
  
Boris: Good! Hmph! (Stands there crosses arms then suddenly tips over and crashes on side and starts wiggling his arms/legs) augh! augh! augh! Cant...get....up...fat....  
  
Kirby: (walks back to her house and decides to not even try on the heart shirt, so remembers Nook said she could sell stuff and goes to his shop and walks in)  
  
Nook: Hello there! Hey wait its Kirby! HI KIRBY!!!!!!! What brings you to these parts?  
  
Kirby: Youre right I travelled too far I should be going heh.  
  
Nook: NaH NAH! Stay, have fun, have some tea, talk about political issues effecting our expanding economy in this time of so shall we say "war" going on. All is well here.  
  
Kirby: uhhhh Ok i dont know what this sudden streak of intelligence is about, but I just wanted to sell something.  
  
Nook: (shakes head) Wow that was weird. (notices kirby and suddenly has a country accent) AND HOW CAN I HELP YALL? I know! sit round, have a drink, talk 'bout the biiiiiig acreage and how all this political stuff is involvin it.YEEEHAW!  
  
Kirby: Ah so theres the dumb Nook that has unfortunetly been my displeasure to know. Anyway, whoever you are, I want to sell this heart shirt. (Hands it to him)  
  
Nook: Alrighty alrighty! That can be uh...90 bells! Yeeeeep thats it! (Takes it and gives her money)  
  
Kirby: 90 bells huh...  
  
Nook: Yes I know I am just sooooo generous still aren't I?  
  
Kirby:...........Anyway lets see, (scans through the leaves) uh, well nope nothing I actually want to give aka sell to you, since I dont want you blowing up the earth by accident by who KNOWS what strategies.  
  
Nook: Ah big words! They confuse me like sausage and sliced olives....(Pondering look)  
  
Kirby: Uh HUH....yeah, ok...anyhow...like I was saying...I'll just take my 90 bells now please.  
  
Nook: DEMANDING aren't we? Well here here. (Hands Kirby a small bag of bells) Alright well goodbye then.  
  
Kirby: Yeah whatever bye (Goes to the door walking about)  
  
Nook: come again! I look foward to seeing you again! (calling from behind)  
  
Kirby: Like thats going to happen...(walks out completely and goes back by the train station and the stone pathway that leads down to her house) Hm well today surely was interesting. It's been about another hour from what I can tell. Maybe I should see what and how to activate these "leaves of china" They dont seem to work out here (Flopping one around in the air)  
  
So Kirby walks down to her "Pretty Pony" house and goes inside and turns on the light again)  
  
Kirby: Yes well its even smaller from the last visit...great...well as for these leaves...(She takes one out and drops it on the ground)  
  
Leaf: BOM! *smoke* (pops into a normal sized cabana chair)  
  
Kirby: ....(partly shocked and partly annoyed) ...stuuupid DBZ RIPOFF! Gonna bash it with a Kirby(nintendo kirby lol) hammer!......*sigh* ANYway...(looking at it) Well that is definitely a chair. (touches and sits down in it then gets back up) Now lets see where should I put this...as I am very particular about interior designs here. (Pushes it to the bottom- right corner and makes it face the center) Ok...that works. And...the carpet. Um hm it seems to be an "exquisite rug" (Spreads it out on the floor) Well, not exactly my thing, but not bad. *sigh* (She goes to the window and looks out, seeing the sun setting now) Well, its been a long day, or at least a working day for me. I still wish i had a bed. But this chair will do for today...(Sits down in the chair and soon goes to sleep) Untilllll tomorrow...where i hopeful wont have to be in contact with any THINGS...  
  
What will tomarrow's day bring?  
DA!  
WILL Kirby end up being in contact with the annoying "things"?  
DA!  
If so, what will happen?  
DA!  
  
Find out in a little while, sorry for the delay 


End file.
